To Know You in Your Suffering

Okay, so what do you think about this? We (at least I) often sing that song by whoever, I can't remember "I want to know you in your suffering...to become like You in Your death, my Lord, so with You to live and never die" and quoting Paul's words. But what does that mean. That same me doesn't really like suffering that much (so I've found) or even just inconveniences like the slow elevator at the back of Block 'H' at my school, or a bus with no seats when I have to go to Taipa.

But the last two weeks this thought has been in my mind- how is God answering that prayer? If I pray to know Him more, if I say I want to know Him no matter what trials or suffering I have to share, then how is that coming true? How is He answering that? Because that's what it would be, right? An answer to prayer and an opportunity?

I have to say that in a lot of ways my life has never been more comfortable. I have a good job, a good church, a roomy house, etc... etc... The things that get to me these days are mostly inside things: thoughts about fruitfulness in what I'm doing here, REALLY wanting to be with family at Christmas, missing my friend Sara's kids, wishing I had a roommate, etc...

So, are these things that I'm supposed to embrace? Or what? What do I do with them? I don't want to run away from Jesus. I want to be teachable. But I don't want to be a masochist either.

My favorite priest, in talking about his move to the handicapped community in Daybreak asked himself this, "Is Jesus truly enough for you, or do you keep looking for others to give you your sense of worth? If anyone had asked me in the past, 'Who is the center of your life?' I would I would have answered without much hesitation, 'Jesus who called me to follow him. But now I dare not do that so easily... (my trip to Daybreak)led me to the second loneliness, a loneliness with Jesus in community. I discovered that this second loneliness was much much harder to live with than the loneliness resulting from physical or emotional isolation-because it is not a loneliness to be removed as a stumbling block to full human maturity, to be embraced as the way to follow Jesus to the end."

So, any thoughts y'all? Is he too out there?
Just some thoughts...from Macau.
Good night.