Moul in Motion

31 Experiences of My Father

2012-02-26T08:09:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday. It’s been an AMAZING and humbling journey so far, and in honor of that, I want to look back and think about 31 ways that I’ve encountered God’s presence in my life. I want to honor him for all that he’s done in my life. Not all of the ways he’s worked are things that (for various reasons) I can share many details about- don’t be alarmed at that. They are not in a certain order.
When I was still under 10 years of age, I got separated from my family at Sea World in Florida. Instead of being picked up by a weird stranger, a nice family found me and helped me to reconnect with my family.
When I was a senior in high school, God sent a good friend from Asia into my life and helped jump-start my interest in this part of the world, as well as helping me to see the value of a soul in His eyes.
I’ve been in 2 serious car wrecks (I wasn’t driving!), in at least one of which, the police told us we were lucky to be alive.
After several years of flying around the world with a fear of flying, I asked God to take it away this summer (I had to fly 9 times), and He did.
God has brought healing and forgiveness to a difficult and long-lasting situation involving extended family members and my home church in MI.
Two of my younger brothers are from Mexico. The way that they were brought to live with my family involved several small miracles.
God has begun to heal my brother.
Both of my parents have jobs at a time when the U.S. economy is terrible and when neither had jobs just a few years ago.
God has used me to bring others to know him.
I have experienced mercy, rebuke, healing, forgiveness and true love through the lives of my good friends who are too many to name. (If you think that this sentence should include you, then I’m sure it does.) I really love you guys.
I have a Grandmother who prayed before I was born that God would send one of her grandkids overseas.
My family heritage includes circuit-riding preachers, Underground Railroad workers and possible Scottish Covenanters. (Am I missing anything, Grandma?)
I have traveled to see God’s hand in at least 3 continents.
I have experienced God’s specific direction leading me to come to Asia and seen confirmation of that in many ways.
I am experiencing his intimate leading for the future now.
I have experienced mutual times of prayer and sp. encouragement with several of my siblings and my parents.
I have parents who through both their love and their love acted out in discipline have shown me what God is like.
Recently, God used some small details of my past which wouldn’t be understood or noticed by most to bring encouragement and healing to another.
God has shown me that 31 years of waiting and trusting can be worth it.
I have experienced through another the feeling of being treasured by God.
In the process of learning another language and culture, I have experienced the humility of Jesus growing in my life.
I have experienced the power of the Spirit to say the right thing at the right time to encourage someone or to share about my faith
I have seen healing in my father’s life.
God protected my two brothers in the Middle East.
25. I have sat under the teaching/guidance/shepherding of amazing men and women of faith around the world.
26. I have been part of and participated in a group of believers here (Great Love) who have taken me as their own and loved me- someone so different from them. In our unity and fellowship, I have encountered my Father.
27. In learning how to follow another, I am experiencing God’s leading.
28. God’s power has helped me to overcome sin in my life.
29. I have traveled by myself in countries where I didn’t speak the language and felt God’s leading to reach my destination. (Cipganti, Esther!!!)
30. I have experienced God’s authority in taking away things I didn’t want to give up, and I praise Him.
31. I have had the awesome privilege to see the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights/ Bottom of Form北极光 in my hometown several times.

There are too many to count and more to come…

In all things, my Father is God. I love you- thank you for this life!

Early Thanksgiving

2011-11-14T21:09:00.003-06:00

This morning I did some stretches while listening to some cds of Ken Rudolph (http://www.kenrudolphministries.com/sermons/) that my mom sent me ages ago when I first came back to Macau.

One sentence really stuck out to me: "Don't let the little things become big things." Ken was preaching on Genesis 2/3 and how the fall of man came because instead of focusing on all the things that were given to them; Adam and Eve listened to Satan's lies and began to think about the one tree of which they could not eat.

Thanksgiving fights off the preoccupation to be self-centered; to moan about what we don't have. I will be traveling during the holiday next week, so it seems like a good idea to kick-start Thanksgiving now, not only for next week, but as a life habit.

These are some top people that I'm thankful for in my life:

- My mom and dad, who sang me old hymns and told me stories at night, who taught me to learn with curiosity about the world, and who (along with the rest of Oceana County), taught me that hard work is a blessing (even the 70+ hour harvest work weeks at PFI) :)

-My grandmas-- Grandma Moul who teaches me by example never to complain and still prayers for me every day, Grandma G who showed me how to be faithful to God my whole life, and Gma P, who sacrificed to help out with my school bill at Moody

-My brothers and sisters- I'm so thankful that we support each other now as adults- in making family decisions, when times get tough, through prayer and understanding...I'm proud of who we are becoming

-Karen N.- for your faithful example of trusting that God is good even when life events seem to say otherwise and your prayers for me over the years.

-For my Bethel team from years ago: Phil, Ginny, Paul, Caye, Becky, Mike, April, Sandy, Jackie, Tiff, etc...- you guys taught me that serving God together is so powerful and so fun. You showed me how to pursue God and His work wholeheartedly. I hope I have a chance to have an experience like that again.

-For my Moody friends and roommates: Becky, Laurie, and Em (and Sara)- Coming home to hang out with you guys and fellowship was always the highlight of my day. Thanks for loving me with Jesus' love for so many years

-For Linda and Carol, Jim and Terry- who parented me through years at school

-For Esther- you've become a true spiritual sister to me ...thanks for all the Skype talks that keep me going these days :) (And to think our first conversation was just about Korean TV!)

-For Jan- What am I going to do when you retire? You always keep my thinking on track, you love me and you know when to scold me too. Thanks for being a real friend here!

Jesus, in these members of your Body, you have showed me yourself. Thank you for all my blessings!!

Today

2011-09-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

6:08? - alarm rings... hit it... dreaming about a lizard running around my house (it's never happened)
6:15- get out of bed- put water on to boil
6:30- drink coffee while putting on running clothes
6:35- head for 松山 to run- today's goal: 35 min at Level 2 heart rate...music: Matt Redman (thanks Ranny)
7:50- head back home, yogurt and tofu, more coffee, Mark 6- Jesus in his hometown (Father, don't ever let
          me assume that I know who you are and limit You in my mind)
8:45- head to school
9:00 - First 5C conversation of year - combined class: 43 students, missing 14 chairs, last minute changes
         (Father, thank you that I have more confidence this year--be firm but kind, be flexible). Prayer from
           Ps. 139, miscommunication questions, tongue twisters Verdict: success. Whew.
9:50- preparation to promote the English Corner activities at lunch- registration is next week
10:30- 5B Grammar- every native speaker's gauntlet. Clear, I think. Interesting, I think. Flying colors?
            Whew.
11:30- set up table for English activity promotion....GO, GO, GO
12:30-lunch with a student, good conversation
1:30- helping to promote English activities (so hot--- all the kids sweating buckets, and me too)
2:00- take everything down
2:30- take notes about what went well and what didn't, print tomorrow's supplies
3:30-6 lesson prep and composition correction
6:30- Jerusalem bookstore- birthday gift for a 90-year old man, thinking about small group on Sat. and sharing at school on 16th, San Miu grocery store
7:30- wash running clothes, taco salad with no chips while watching Eric L's story in Chinese, wash dishes
8:30- 5 min. talk with E. on Skype, check email, grading papers, co-worker phone calls
9:45- blog
NOW :)

All day- praying....

Father, thank you for this busy day. It was a good day. It was a day I could never have had in past years- so many things and details, but now I know I can let go and worry less. I know You will lift me up and guide me. Thank You that Your grace is sufficient in each moment. Thank you that I never walk alone because You walk with me.

On Being a Child

2011-08-24T04:38:00.001-05:00

Flying back from London there was a little girl seated between her mom and a middle-aged representative from Case, the tractor company. They were headed to Chicago and then on their way to Mexico. While dozing in and out of sleep I saw the gentleman begin to play peek-a-boo with this little girl with whom he could not communicate. After much gleeful giggling, she decided to try to play with herself. She cracked up whenever she took the hand off of her own eyes-delighted by the interplay of light and dark.

Little girl, like you I want to:

-trust with simplicity--even those you don't know
-to play with sincerity- not as a grown-up who thinks life= work
-to show my emotions genuinely and not try to disguise them to appear mature
-to be myself in the moment- no tricks or games with others...to be all there

The kingdom of heaven belongs to those like you!

Enveloped

2011-08-24T04:37:00.000-05:00

* I wrote this overlooking a waterfall, in Cumbria (the Lake District), England. My sister and I were on a 7 hour hike and stopped for some quiet time. In that moment, surrounded by beauty, God just reminded me of His love, His acceptance, and the fact that I can stop fighting for it.*

The rain stitches me into Your canopy of love
The sound of water falling cradles my heart
I am encased in a sacred space
You are here- You embrace me and I am home.
Eternal moments erase time.
Grounded moments erase space.
I don't know where I am, but I am not lost.
I am in Your heart. I belong there.

No need to fight for worthiness-
I will never be worthy, but I am part of You-
the pattern imagined before the world includes me...
organically.
Nature and memory, gladness and song enclose me in Your shadow.
The goodness of the One I meet- in the quiet of Your heart.
This moment is the place I have been searching for.

Legacy

2011-07-27T10:27:00.000-05:00

C.S. Lewis. J.R.R. Tolkien. T.S. Elliot. - authors
Tyndale and Wycliffe- Bible translators
D.L. Moody.- evangelist and founder of my college
Hudson Taylor. Amy Carmichael. George Mueller. David Livingstone. Eric Liddell. - missions workers
McLellan. - ancestors and Scottish Covenantors

For most Christians, many of the names above represent heroes of our faith.

It has been a tremendous experience and honor for me to come face to face over the past few weeks with everyday places that these people lived or encountered while visiting my sister in England. I am leaving the UK on Friday and I am taking with me a renewed sense of legacy and a desire to make my life worthy of what I've been given by both physical and spiritual ancestors. I want to make my life more about the glory of Jesus, just as the people above have. I also want to strive NOT to forget their sacrifices and more importantly, the sacrifice of our Savior.

All of the hunting that I did to find traces of these people here on earth has also reminded me of just how fleeting even the memories of tremendous people are and how our true rewards are in heaven.

Last week I went on a quest to find as much of Eric Lidell in and around Edinburgh as I could - obviously, being China's first Olympian!, a fellow runner (haha) and a worker in China. :) I felt depressed after the experience. The thing I was most looking forward to see was something called the Eric Liddell center which is housed in the the church he served in while in Edinburgh- just a bit out of the city center. To my dismay (and perhaps to his as well, I would imagine), the center is nothing more than a community center- mainly focusing on excercise classes- for the elderly. Although the center had a room of photos of Lidell and mentioned that he was a missionary in China, there was no explanation of his life's work or his faith in either their displays or in the literature available. It was really, really disappointing. While my sister and I were there, we saw meditation classes going on in one of the rooms.

To me, this man who lived and worked in Jesus' name in Tianjin, China, and who eventually died in a concentration camp there was really about one thing: honoring and serving Jesus Christ. What he is most famous for- not running the 100 m race in the 1924 Olympics in Paris- illustrates his singular passion (whether or not you agree with its manifestations) well. How sad that what his life was all about has not been communicated in the center that bears his name.

His life for Christ may not live on in fullest form in that center, but I hope that as someone who also loves China that it can live on in me.

Driving out of Scotland back to England, our GPS started taking us out of the most direct route to one that it considered "faster". When we realized where we were, my sister and I also realized that we were not far from the clan home of the McLellans- the clan heads from whom my Great-Grandpa Gilliland descended. We decided to stop there for lunch (and discovered that it was also near the home of Robert Burns and the birthplace of John Paul Jones) and see what we could find out about our clan. In fact, we had had trouble in Edinburgh finding out anything- everyone we talked to said that McLellans were rare.

In Dumfries, we stopped at the visitor center and I bought a book about the history of the region. For the rest of the afternoon, we read with amazement (and somehow fitting amusement) about the lives and times of our ancestors. In their actions and words we could see certain family traits (like stubbornness, belief and faith) that have stood the test of time. Apparently, these McLellans became active in Galloway (the "county"- known to be "trouble-makers") during the Scottish Reformation. One of the clan was Lord Kirkcudbright and they seem to have been a prominent family in the area- even owning a castle which still stands in ruined state today. Unhappy with the Catholic church, they held Bible studies in their homes privately (along with members of the Livingstone clan) and told the bishops that they were "making a mountain out of a mole hill" when they were told to stop. Because of their stance they were fined thousands of pounds by the authorities and their lives may have eventually been in danger. Around that time they disappear from the history of the area and it is thought that they fled to Ireland or the Netherlands and somehow they must have made it to America- because, well, here WE are.

The clan castle is in ruins but I would like to think that with a faithful life I can leave them a better tribute.
I hope that in my life my physical or spiritual descendents can see the same faithfulness, love for God and determination that I have been witness to these weeks.

May I leave behind a beautiful legacy-not written on tablets of stone which pass away, but written on the heart.

Coming Soon to an Airport Near You!

2011-06-17T09:32:00.002-05:00

That's right, everyone to the West- eleven days (28th) from now I will be arriving in Chicago O'Hare at 10:15 a.m. on Korean Air 0037. I'm excited to see all of you. There's been so much going on here that I haven't been inspired to write much here lately. But... I've decided to grit my teeth and bear it- because I could really use your thoughts and prayers during this summer. Here are some things you can keep in mind for the "Wild Adventure to the West."

- Talking this week to my mom, to my brothers through my mom, to my sisters, and on and on, has reminded me of what my grandma always says, that it's easy to get hurt if you have a lot of expectations. Now, some of you may have noticed on my last post that I have a lot of things that I'd love to do this summer. Well- they're not all gonna happen, and all the things my family and friends want to do with me aren't either. So- pray that in this really limited time that we have together every few years that we can have reasonable expectations and unlimited grace when they are or aren't met and most of all that we will just love being together- for whatever crazy fun it turns out to be- at least we'll be together and thanking God for His goodness.

- To be led to the right people to share with about what's going on in Macau, and to know how much to share with each one.

-This summer I'm definitely flying more in a short period of time than I ever have. As some of you know, I love the views of flying, but I sometimes get really nervous about being "trapped" in space--- hmm...sounds like a "B" movie. So- in the past, every time I've flown since 911 has been a step of faith. This summer I'm really feeling challenged to pray, not only for safety, but also that I wouldn't feel an ounce of fear and be able to enjoy the trips and have meaningful conversaitons. So- please pray with me? I sure love traveling, and I sure love the destinations...so I'm gonna keep battling this one. I don't ever want to be bound by my fears- in any respect. I'm planning to learn fencing when I'm 80!

-This will be my 8th time crossing the Pacific I think. As I think back on how my life has changed since that first time, I'm so amazed at God's goodness. I'm even amazed at how He can still teach me new tricks. I'm not even tempted to start packing yet! Ha ha. And I'm not sure where I'm sleeping the first night...(Linda?? Your house ,right??) but I'm okay and at peace with all of this. And I'm even able to stay engaged here with my students and at work to do the things I need to...that's huge. But, at some point, I need to let God take the reigns to keep working with my kids here and also trust my coworkers to do the job that they always do very well...so just pray for the fine art of transitions at every stage.

Okay...for the summary of tonight's news... that's

- Expectations
-Flying
-Sharing
-Transitions

I have a lot of photos that I'm downloading to clean out my camera, so maybe I'll get some up here before I go.

Summer, here I come!

To Do List!

2011-05-15T10:23:00.000-05:00

An announcement: after 2 years in MACAU, I bought tickets this week to go back to the Motherland for a few weeks this summer! (Stay tuned for more info.) Thus, I have been inspired to write the following "just-for-fun" to do list (How I will do all these things... I have no idea, but it will be fun to try!):

- listen to hip hop music with Laurie Cook
-go to Coldstone with Jacky and Esther and Anna (and of course, see Anna's new apt.)
-participate in great worship at encounter!
-play with Becky Z's boys.. and all the new babies at least once
-run through 5 sprinklers (at least...preferably with fresh-cut grass nearby)
-play soccer with my brothers
-sleep out under the starts 1 night
-play hide-n-seek at night
-stay up late to watch the BBC news and chat about life and everything with Grandma Moul
-make a cherry pie with Oceana County cherries
-go to a Ravinia Fest concert
-have a Purdy girls outing (maybe an abbreviated one this time)
-go running with my brothers...or maybe more accurately- behind my brothers
-have a picnic in Millenium Park with Barbara B. and Katie
-eat authentic Mexican food with Angel and Graciela
-take a short road trip with my sister and Sara's fam

And all of this thinking about things to do there... made me think of things I want to do when I come back home (here...to China)-
-take Jan to Guilin (next year is the deadline- she's retiring~)
-milk tea hideout with Hazel
-take a ride on a real fisherman's boat in Macau or Hong Kong
-try diving
-maybe?? the Skywalk at the Tower
-see the world's tallest mountain, who's Tibetan name I always forget
-sleep in a yurt in Inner Mongolia
-go with Erin on a desert trip in the NW and sleep under the stars (hmm...this seems to be a theme)
-start a teacher's Bible study
-use my ticket to Fujian...and maybe finally pick strawberries there
-see an old Nestorian church
-visit the island school in Hong Kong for troubled youth
-travel part of the Silk Road
-visit Jiu Zai Gou?? park
-visit Li Jiang

Maybe that's enough for now...but really- I'm SO lucky to live in two big countries and be able to see so much of God's creation- to enjoy so much! For as long as He gives me life, wherever I am, I want to treasure and enjoy it!

Can't wait to share the experiences with all of you! Looking forward to lots of reunions everywhere.

All I Want for Easter is …

2011-05-02T10:46:00.001-05:00

(Sorry for the bad Chinese. It's late again…me and Google are working things out.)

You know how when you were a kid you sometimes couldn't sleep the night before Christmas? If you were in my family, you'd be wrapped up in a sleeping bag under the Christmas tree with all the colored lights twinkling after reading the story of Jesus' birth. Then mom would come in in her bathrobe and tell us to keep our eyes closed while she filled our stockings. (I always kept them closed of course- I was the good child. :))

當你還是一個小孩子，你在平安夜的晚上有時無法入睡？如果你是好像我的家人一样，聽完，耶穌誕生故事，你會在聖誕樹下，它所有的彩色燈光閃爍，被包裝在一個睡袋。然後，我媽會來，在她的睡衣為了装满我們的聖誕襪，並告訴我們，"你們要閉上你的眼睛！"（我當然閉上我的眼睛，我是乖孩子。：））

At 5 am on Christmas Day we'd wake up and try to beguile our parents out of bed so that we could open our Christmas presents. I remember the year that my dad made me a fairy doll house that looked exactly like one in a Christmas book I loved to read. I remember the year I got a new Study Bible with lots of notes like I'd been wanting. And I remember sometimes opening a package and pulling out a ......

在聖誕節當天早上5時起床后，我們會很謆地叫我父母從床上所以我們就可以打開我們的聖誕禮物。我記得有一年我爸爸給我一個像童話娃娃木做的房子，也。我記得有一年，記得有一年我收到了，我一直想有的聖經。有時我還記得打開包裝，拿出來的是......

who knows what.
誰知道是什麼"東西"。

Usually the "who knows whats" were sent by my great-grandmother and consisted of some fabric made in 1970 with fuzzy mustard yellow colors or the free prize from the Cracker Jack box. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone's gotten a gift like that at some point.

通常情況下，"誰知道什麼"是我的曾祖母送的。她會包一些在1970年黃色或免費獎品從傑克的餅乾盒並把它給我們。你大概知道我在說什麼。每個人，在他們的一生一定的得到一份这样的禮物。

But if you think you're getting something that you've been looking forward to for a long time and then you open the box and you see the fuzzy mustard yellow potato holder, your heart definitely drops to the bottom of your toes faster than you can say fuzzy mustard yellow potato holder.

但如果你打開盒子的时候，認為你要的東西是在裡面，你一直在尋找著很長一段時間的東西，然後打開盒子並看到黃色的東西。。。你的心會將下降。

That happened to me this Easter.

這個復活節發生在我身上。

This year at Easter, I was "supposed" to go with my church to visit a nearby coastal city and do some ministry there. I had been looking forward to the trip for both personal and ministry reasons, including the fact that I would get to take two girls from my small group on the trip with me, pick strawberries, and travel, and, and, and....

今年復活節，我是"應該"和我的教會，到附近的近海的城市，並做一些事工在那裡。我因為事工和個人的原因，包括，我可以带兩個小组裡面的女孩，我可以採草莓，以及旅遊，並和，然後 ... ，期待著這次旅行。

At the same time, I was preparing for Easter personally with the usual Lenten readings and (as some of you might remember from an earlier post) more time of prayer- especially praying to see God's power.

在同一時間，為了復活節我那时正在看四旬期讀數，（如一些你可能還記得從以前的BLOG）用更多的時間禱告，尤其是想看到神的力量。

I did see His power.

我真的看到了上帝的力量。

Just not
in the way I expected.

但不是我想像的方式。因為我的護照沒有到達。對不起，我已經太累了... 你必須在英語閱讀詳細內容。

About 8 days before we were supposed to leave, the American consulate based in Hong Kong came to Macau to provide citizen services. They took my passport back to Hong Kong with them promising that it'd be back in plenty of time for the trip on Thursday night. Well, the way I've set this story up, you can all guess that my passport didn't arrive in time. (Yup, this is a story of disappointment- perhaps small, but still something felt and something learned- hopefully, and definitely something for which to praise.) If you want to skip the gory details, you can go to the highlighted part at the end. :)

The days leading up to the trip, I tried everything I could to find my passport when it hadn't arrived on Tuesday. I called the consulate, I talked to my mail carrier. I did everything humanly possible to get that passport. I even called the Macau postal service and spoke with the head of mail delivery who on Wed. night told me that he had it in his hand and it would be delivered on Thurs. am- just 10 hours before I was going to leave.

But on Thursday the letter in my box was the bulletin from Bethel (sorry, lynn, for the first time in my life I was honestly sorry to see it), NOT my passport. After that, hoping that they would find it in the afternoon's mail shipment, I shared with my Advanced English class about the situation and we prayed together about it. I told them that I had been asking God to show me His power.

At 5:30 on Thursday night I was told that I HAD to tell the travel agent whether or not I was going or risk losing my ticket altogether (it is still good until next Easter). At 5:33 (yup, I gave God a few extra minutes, just to make SURE I knew what His answer was :))I "saw the fuzzy yellow mustard gift" and I called our team leader and cried and told him that I couldn't go. I called the girl in charge of arranging tickets and told her. 3 hours later I went to the border and saw the team off.

Yeah, yeah, maybe this is kind of a seeming sob story, but the truth is that all of us face situations in our lives, big or small and we wonder what God is thinking. In the grand scheme of the world, this was a small disappointment. But on Maundy Thursday at 5:30 this year, for me, it was a big one.

However, it also became one of those moments when I have to ask myself what I believe with my heart- not only with my head.

So you tell me- did I see the power of God this Easter? I say "yes." It was definitely not what I wanted. I'm still dealing with that at some levels. BUT- God clearly showed His will in this one. I can't see everything clearly. I don't know WHY I was not supposed to go. (My students came up with some rather gruesome options that included accidents and illness :).)

那你告訴我，我有沒有看見神的力量這個復活節？我說"是的。"
這絕對不是我所想要的。我仍然在處理心理的感觉。但是，上帝清楚地表明，他那次的旨意是这样子。我不能清楚地看到一切。我不知道為什麼我不應該去。
（我的學生們想出了一些非常可怕的選項，其中包括意外和疾病等等：）。）

But I CAN see some good that came from it: being able to take students to church, study the Bible with them and talk about things that we don't normally have time to go into with our busy schedules. I was able to fulfill my responsibilities for the trip (devos) without being there and I think it was in some ways good for the two girls from my small group to go without me and get to know other church members.

不過，我可以看到一些好事，來自它：能带學生到教堂，我們可以一起學習聖經，还有談我們通常沒有時間去談的事。我都認為对我小组兩個女孩是，她們可以多認識其他教會的兄弟姐妹。

I pray that something else good can come out of it too: I hope that somehow through this "small" event
in my life, I can remember more often that God's power is also to accomplish HIS plan...and not mine. And I hope I can be okay with- no more than okay...joyful in that, because I know that He is really the main point of my life story and not me. Stay tuned for the ending. :) Every story is for a reason.

我還要求別的東西：我希望通過这个"小"件事在我的生活，我可以更多記住上帝的力量也是為了實現他的計劃...不是我的計劃。同時，我希望我能好起來，可以接受，其實。。。比那个好呀... 希望我能歡樂，因為我知道神是我生活故事真正的要點，不是我。請繼續關注結局。
：）每一個故事是有原因的。

Captive Reason- the Holy Sonnet

2011-04-30T05:21:00.002-05:00

I stretch my toes out -straining arches to cover the expanse of blue water...but like Peter I am wet-slapped in the face again by what I see- by dissatisfactions large and small- disgruntled in time and space, sick at heart and disappointed with what is only natural in me. Each time, before I start to sink- let me remember to look at You. Teach my heart what my mind knows... let me have eyes only for YOU. My reason knows and understands help my heart not to be left behind...to serve You for the love of You and for the joy of it.

Like John D., I pray, "Make me satisfied with Yourself."

Holy Sonnet XIV

"Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you
As yet but knock, breath, shine and seek to mend; (don't be polite)
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn and make me new
I, like a usurped town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in me should defend,
But it is captived, and proves weak or untrue
Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot (to your enemy) again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I
Except you enthral me never shall be free,
Nor ever chasete, except you ravish me!

John Donne-(1572-1631)

Oh, God- give me an undivided heart!

Praise

2011-04-05T07:43:00.004-05:00

These are the songs on my lips these days... just thought I'd share. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du0il6d-DAk A great Chinese praise song from church: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbqr1tgYak It talks about giving up our pride and totally obeying God.

A Happy Heart Does Good Like Medicine

2011-04-05T07:33:00.004-05:00

This week I realized- that I've been really happy lately. I want to celebrate this moment in my life because life is not always so. And I want to thank those of you who have been praying for me in the last few years of ups and downs. (Especially you, Wendy...your prayers are working!) God has really blessed me in the last few months with:

re-established friendships that have given me people to share more with and pray with every week. I definitely don't feel as isolated anymore.

two families to eat dinner with every week

three AWESOME Bible studies a week with three AWESOME groups of girls...really, really AWESOME

greater understanding of my own imperfections (you'd think this would make me sad, but nope- it just gives me more targets... and also of God's GREAT mercy)

growth in personal flexibility, an ability to keep things simple and a focus on what's important

figuring out how to incorporate Chinese and exercise back into my schedule

more trust in God about my unknown future

BEST of all...I'm learning a lot about Him.

Life is good. :)

My Talk Show Moment

2011-03-30T06:08:00.001-05:00

My students had an assigment for Bible class to interview a Christian teacher. This is my video. (Please note: they did NOT get all the information correct. As my mother can tell you there was no past boyfriend. The Chinese is the more accurate version. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiEKqMs88Uw

Perfect Weakness

2011-03-24T08:42:00.001-05:00

For the last, oh, probably 10+ years, I try to give something up at Lent in the old Christian tradition, which is mainly considered a Catholic one here in Macau. The purpose of this is to focus more on prayer and to meditate on what Christ has done for us- to prepare our hearts for Easter. Usually I give up coffee or chocolate or something equally necessary to my happiness J and when I think of that thing, try to take a few moments to reflect or pray. This year I decided that that if the whole point was prayer I should sacrifice some sleep in the mornings so that I could pray more. (It has not always made me the most cheerful person in the last few weeks- I do love my sleep. When people ask me if I'm a morning or night person, I just say that I'm a sleep person. I recover from everything through sleep.)

I'm asking God to teach me more about His power this year- His power in humility and in resurrection. Mentally I know that God is the One who determines all and who grows all the seeds that I'm out here crazily planting, but sometimes I forget that and run ahead of prayer in my planning. So- I want to reacquaint myself with His power.

Did you ever pray something and then realize pretty quickly afterwards what a dangerous idea that it was to pray that specific thing? It seemed like everything has been going wrong over the past several days! More than once I've walked into a classroom of students and felt a rush of Senioritis hit me between the eyes. Those moments are so unnerving! How am I supposed to keep 20+ kids's (who are just ready to graduate and get out of middle school) attention?? The blank eyes, drooling, and incessant murmuring amongst themselves indicate a really bad case of Senioritis. Today, one of those students who also helps me with some of the clubs for Primary students told me that the last lesson was so boring. Oh, brother- maybe because I was so tongue-tied. I feel so weak standing there and facing them under these circumstances.

Last Saturday I had agreed to lead youth group for my coworker who is desperately (!) trying to finish her Master's thesis. When I'm tired, my Chinese might as well the language of Mars or some other alien planet for all the good that it does those who are listening. My brain goes on autopilot somewhere over the Pacific Ocean of my waving thoughts and I have to repeat myself over and over again very slowly and clearly. Well, that happened last week. To top it all off, one of the girls kept getting phone calls regarding a farewell party for her classmate. She'd bury her head in the pillow on the couch and keep talking, as if we couldn't hear her. My weakness definitely came to mind last Saturday.

A few weeks ago while my students were taking exams I had planned a 2 day retreat to pray about the upcoming summer and about ministry plans. I ended up spending the first day puking up green bile and laying on the bed holding my stomach. When my friend and co-worker, Tina, brought me some bland porridge to eat she said that I really looked up to my name- I really looked like a ghost (which is what foreigners are called in Cantonese- I am ghostly little sister.) I haven't felt so weak in a long time.

So apparently my prayers are quite dangerous, because it all hit me this week while I was doing a Bible Study with our pastor's daughter who I am attempting, in my weakness, to disciple. God's power keeps coming up over and over in my studies. This time it was in Ephesians 1. (Check it out, it's amazing stuff.) In this passage Paul writes to the Ephesian BELIEVERS that he is praying for their eyes to be opened so that they may know (experientially) the hope to which God's called them, the inheritance that is theirs AND His great power for them- the same power that God used to raise Jesus. It just struck me in a fresh way that although these guys were believers, they perhaps didn't really understand or realize what that hope, inheritance and power meant. They didn't fully grasp everything they had been given in Christ.

I think I'm the same way. I have it…I just don't always live it. Maybe this week full of imperfections is God's way of humbling me again…of reminding me that I can do nothing without Him and that His power is made perfect in my weakness. I may think I want to do everything great….but then, I wouldn't need Him. So, I guess I'll take the kids with Senioritis, the puking and the crazy 2^nd language experiences. If it brings me closer to Him- bring it on!

Those are my thoughts tonight- keep me in your prayers. There are a lot of things to think about these days and some real need for direction, both short and long-term.

It's getting late. I'm feeling a strange sensation, I might be…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz. J 晚安

耶稣与日本 (和澳洲和云南)

2011-03-16T04:36:00.001-05:00

我去过日本两次。一次是去沖繩島有星迎弹的白沙海滩。一次去有万万车子的东京。两次的目标是一样的-看我很爱的人。过去几天，我很紧张地看每天的新闻而不停地安慰我自己。我对自己说"他们应该没事啦！"而总是看他FACEBOOK的最新的消息。我好朋友，ABBIE和 CHRIS 在理其中一个核电厂很近的城市作英语老师。令唯一位朋友NOBUE也是住那个地方附近。在东京附近有我这前教的两个学生。我沖繩島的朋友今天都是住在那里。今天晚上因为这几天没有一次看她用FACEBOOK我都确定打电话给她。他爸收了电话而告诉了我他们没事。他也给我MAIKO现在的电话号码。
I have been to Japan two times-once to Okinawa's sandy white beaches with shells shaped like stars and once to Tokyo to the myriad of traffic and long-cultural roots. Both times I went to visit people that I knew and loved. These days I search the news headlines nervously…trying to reassure myself that they are okay and constantly checking Facebook to see if they've updated their status. My friends Abbie and Chris are teaching English just 30 km from the nuclear plants. My friend Nobue also lives near there. I have two former students/friends studying near Tokyo and a close friend from highschool who lives in Okinawa. Tonight after not seeing any updates on her Facebook I decided to call her even though I knew she was miles and miles away from the blast-Okinawa is so far away from the Mainland of Japan. I called and her dad answered their house phone and managed to communicate that they were okay (and I managed to pull out a "desh" after my name- I didn't even know that I knew the grammar…must be from watching Japanese drama.) Her dad pulled out his English and told me her cell number.
电话声的一些奇怪的BLIP BLIP这后，我才听到了她很熟悉的声音。好奇妙。。。我好久没跟她谈话。但是当时（她收了电话的时候）我们对神存不存在，还有怎么样找生命的对象-这些过去的歧见，我们很多年没见面的关系已经不时那么大的事。我们已经不时我们十七岁的自己，不顾她中学的时候在我的生活是作一个很重要的角色。有一点是因为她我今天是在亚洲的-所以我很担心她。同一刻，当我想到在东京读书的小云还有阿涛，我对他们有一样的担心。
The phone rang and rang in funny blips and finally I heard her familiar voice. It's funny how time falls away when you talk to someone whom you care so much about, especially in a situation like this. Although we don't talk regularly anymore, she has played a HUGE role in my life, and even an important part in my burden for and my decision to move to Asia in the first place. Suddenly, the disagreements that we've had- about the existence of God, about the right way to handle romantic relationships, the time we've spent apart, and the different people that we've become since we were both 17 together- these things don't matter anymore and all I want is for her to be safe. In the same way, when I think of Connie and Tou studying near Tokyo, I just want them to come home and be out of harm's way! (I'm sure their parents feel the same way.)
对不起。。。开始夜。。所以，我会用GOOGLE翻译，然后CHECK它。。。
在这个时候，我的心很痛，同我的学生一起想问一个问题，"为什么会这样发生？"听说至少有1000人来自同一个村庄/城市死亡。这是超过我老家1 /3的人口。这整个噩梦才刚刚开始。今天晚上我的朋友有谈到这将会影响日本的出口（谁会想买他们的食物了吗？）不提他们的旅游业。我不知道所有的答案。但是我知道一个，我要为我的学生翻译成中文本。学生们：我知道真很难面对自己短暂的一生。我知道，承认在日本发生的事情是什么可怕的，因为这意味着它可能有一天也发生在我们身上。但我觉得在你的心里你也提出这些问题，即使你是怕再公开的地方讲出来。

At times like this, my heart aches and asks along with my students, "Why did this have to happen?" They speak of at least 1,000 people dead from the same village/city. That's more than 1/3 the population of my whole hometown. This whole nightmare is just beginning. My friend talked tonight about the effect this will have on Japan's exports (who will buy food from them now?) not to mention their tourist industry. I do not have all the answers. But I do have one, and I'm gonna translate this into Chinese for my students. Students: I know that it's hard to face our own short lives. I know that to acknowledge what happened in Japan is scary because it means it could someday happen to us also. But I do think that in your hearts you are also asking these questions even if you are afraid to give them a public face. So here is one answer:
Does Jesus care?
耶稣关不关心日本，这个事情？

Does Jesus care when things in this world are broken? Does He care about our pain? In John 11, one of Jesus' best friends died. When Jesus arrived at his home he was met by the guy's sister who cried and blamed him. She said, "If you had been here, my brother would not have died." It's true- Jesus was a healer of people- he could've come earlier and spared them that pain. But he didn't. When they took Jesus to Lazarus' tomb to see where he was buried, Jesus cried. Death is ugly; it's not what was meant for us. Death had happened to Jesus' friend. Although Jesus knew what he planned to do- He knew that He would raise this man from the dead (which He did immediately after) He still faced His friend's grave and wept.
世界上的事情坏的时候，耶稣关不关？难道他对我们的疼痛护理？在约翰福音11章，耶稣其中的好朋死亡了。当耶稣在那个朋友的家时，耶稣遭到了朋友的姐姐哭了，责备他了。她说："如果你早在这里，我的弟弟就不会死了。" 其实，这是真的，耶稣是一个医治者，他本来可以早点来，和幸免他们的痛苦。但他没有这样做。当他们带耶稣拉撒路的墓前，耶稣哭了。死亡是丑陋的，死亡已经发生了耶稣的朋友。虽然耶稣知道他计划做的，他知道，他会把拉撒路复活，但是，他仍然面临着他朋友的墓前哭泣。

God cares- God cares about Japan. He has not abandoned them. He is their Creator. He is their Father. Of course He weeps! Does that mean He couldn't have stopped the earthquake? No- He could have- He's all powerful. I don't know what He's thinking. He's God. But I do know that He cares.

上帝有关心！上帝对日本有关心。他并没有放弃他们。他是他们的创造者。他是他们的父亲。当然，他哭了起来！这是否意味着他无法停止的地震吗？不！他可以，他是万能的。我不知道他的想法。他的上帝。但我确实知道他的关心。

So what should we do?
那么，我们应该做什么？
We should pray. We should give money. We should respond as God does and weep- for Japan, for death, for our broken world. We should remember that every day is precious. We (and oh how I'm thinking of this these days) need to use our lives well. We need to spend our time and energy on important things. We need to spend our days for God and for others.
我们应该祈祷。我们要给钱。我们应该作出上帝的样子而哭泣，为日本，为死亡，为我们破碎的世界哭。我们应该记，每一天都是宝贵的。我们需要好好地使用我们的生活。我们需要重要的事情上花费的时间和精力。我们需要为了神和为了他人花日子。

Signs of Life

2011-03-10T02:10:00.002-06:00

It just magically started regaining color one day....

The one below almost really did die- it got a little too much "lovin'" from the watering can. After he dried out, he was as good as new.

Three weeks ago it looked dead- and now presto!

A peony from Dad- unfortunately, this one has bugs now, so, that's my latest battle

I like plants a lot. I love it that a plant can look dead and 3 weeks later be sprouting tender new green shoots. I love to see what it takes to coax life back into one (or if it just needs to be ignored for a while). Maybe because I grew up on a farm I've always loved growing things. My dad always pointed out to us all the farming metaphors in the Bible and told us that plants need to be dormant (a state which looks like death) regularly in order to grow. This insight has helped me a lot over the years. People (even I) am a lot like that too. We have ups and downs in our lives. Sometimes it may seem that someone has stopped growing or that there is no longer hope for a particular situation. But then, miraculously, and yet naturally, growth occurs.

In Macau, I have to make use of the space that I've got to grow things- my house. Here are some photos of the recently
"resurrected" plants on my porch who've begun to show signs of life, and also some plants that my dad gave me money for before they left Macau.

Some of the "Alan Moul" collection in my "study"

No leaves- and then three weeks later..presto!

I Just Wanna Grow Up-Birthday Reflections

2011-03-01T07:48:00.001-06:00

This last Sunday was my 30^th birthday. Don't be misled by the title of this post. I don't mean that I want to get older faster (although there are days when I wouldn't mind retiring!) I mean that I want to grow in maturity and my ability to be less influenced by surroundings and to be more gracious. Every time a holiday rolls around, I tend to get a knot in the pit of my stomach. Will I make turkey for 22 again this year and get burnt out or just forego the holiday? Will all 700 of my students expect a Valentine? When someone asks me if I have any special plans, what should I say? Should I open presents on Christmas morning if it's just me or wait till Jan is free? There are no traditions for my holidays here. Christmas is not the season for advent, it's the season for massive evangelism. I'm not saying it's wrong- it's just hard for me to adjust.

Birthdays might be the worst of all. Not because I worry about getting a year older. Hey- my mom still looks young and I work with students, for goodness' sake. I still think I AM 20. I don't like birthdays because I always fear that it will reveal how little those around me know me. That's a terrible discovery to make. Weird things happen on birthdays- like getting sent teabags in China, or getting the same gift from four different people or having Mimi (my great-grandmother who passed away a few years ago) haul out something from 1972 for you. But anyway, this random gifting happens to all of us, I think. I just seem to have an inordinate amount of fear of what that MEANS. Probably I'm thinking too much. That, as those who know me well can attest, is one of my favorite pastimes.

This year has been a booming year for self-reflection. First off, here in Macau, I can celebrate two New Years, the solar and the lunar (Chinese). Then, this year I also had a "big" birthday. In fact, I really have felt God pushing some messages at me this year. I really have a desire this year to stop committing to things that I don't really feel convicted to do. I need to spend more time doing what God has gifted and challenged me to do rather than letting others decide my life and schedule. I don't mean this in a rude or abrasive way, I just mean that I'm really ultimately only responsible to one person and I don't want to waste my life. This is a great growing conviction, but it is very hard for a "man-fearer" (in the Biblical sense, that is) for me to do. I care what people think and say too much. I also feel more called to speak up when I see something that should be changed; not just to roll over or to be passive aggressive in order to try to change things. Yup, that will mean sometimes being counter-culture here, but maybe that's okay…maybe a bit of spice seasons the dish at times- if it's the right thing to do. I'm called to be salt and light- something that stands out from its surroundings, not something that blends in.

I'm also striving to find my sense of well-being and happiness in God and not in my surroundings. (I know-I know, this is not achieved overnight.) I want to not feel lonely in my aloneness; I want to be braver.

So, unfortunately, this report of my birthday must include the note that I failed miserably in these goals this week. I pouted, I wasn't gracious always to those around me, I moped and felt sorry for myself. Instead of using this milestone to build into the lives of those who cared enough to serenade me on Sunday and make me flowers, I mostly turned inward. Ugh! So- I can't wait to get better, to grow more mature. I can't wait for the day when birthdays come cheap because I've had so many.

At the end of this negative, but just self-reflection, I want to say that I'm am really grateful for some recent gifts-not only for Tina's flowers, the notebook, cd, cards, etc…, but also for the chance to meet again weekly with Tina, with Yammie (my pastor's wife), and to hang out with some friends from church. This has helped to restore my sense of community. I've also (up to "D-Day") been excited to see more fruit in my life- more care for others and not less. God in His graciousness is good. And last night, a group of my friends went across the border with me for some great green Thai curry and I bought a real pair of cute Converse for about 8 bucks (although my friend was mad that we didn't get a discount). These may not be the most important things that I've been given recently, but they were nice.

I close with the prayer of St. Francis and I just want to say that I'm not writing this to seem "good" or to confess (well, maybe) or anything. This is really how I feel. I just kind of want to get on with more important things in my life. I don't want to hate myself, but I don't want myself to keep myself from growing either, to be the woman I'm supposed to be. (And, yes, that is a very "different" thing to say.)

The Peace Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is error, truth;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in self-forgetting that we find;
And it is in dying to ourselves that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

　　　　圣方济各和平祈祷文

　　主啊，

　　请将我塑造成和平工具

　　哪里有伤害，让我传达宽恕

　　哪里有仇恨，让我播种爱德

　　哪里有疑惑，让我提供望德

　　哪里有绝境，让我带去喜乐

　　主啊，

　　请赏赐我所梦寐以求的

　　不是被理解，而是去理解

　　不是被安慰，而是去安慰

　　不是被人爱，而是去爱人

　　因为

　　只有给予，我们才会获取

　　去原谅，我们才会被宽恕

　　死于旧我，才会获得永生

The Planning is Half the Fun...

2011-02-11T04:13:00.005-06:00

Eating gelado by the Square in Macau
Truly enjoying the historic Ho Tung Library in Moul fashion!

Dad is upset at getting beaten at Bananagrams once again in Xi'an (Yup! They brought me my own... and I will win one day!)

Dad at dim sum with my church and my buddy Brio

Mom and Maggie in the Advanced English Class

or more than half in this case. My parents have come and gone and I can't believe it is all over after years of dreaming and planning. Here are some of the highlights!

My favorite moments:

- walking in the local parks and enjoying the sunshine

-Starbucks and porch talks with my Dad

-my family's talks in my conversation and Advanced English classes...my students loved all my family photos, especially the ones of me as a kid, me in a construction hat at Peterson Farms, and of course, my oh-so-handsome brothers

-Maggie's times out on the town with my students

-passing out Bibles and good conversations

-Mom's flexibility with food AND when we got hemmed in by people in the market and she (mark this) DID NOT get freaked out! Go mom!

-Mom's connection with Christine and Basilla (two friends from church)

-SAFE travel!

-Mom and Dad's enjoyment of my porch

Funny moments:

- After the second night, Dad and I were sitting on the couch...he looked over at me and said "I don't think I have any of that...what do you call it? Flight damage?" He'll never live that one down!

-Maggie dropping her passport into the squattie pottie on the first day of our trip to Xi'an

-Maggie singingly informing us that her USB was totally lost while Mom simultaneously pulled it out of the one bag Maggie assured us it wouldn't be in

-my toilet getting fixed by a broom handle

-Dad getting into the driver's side of the car not once but TWICE (both while being driven by the same person)

Good times were had by all and I'm so glad we did this!

To Know You in Your Suffering

2010-11-16T06:17:00.002-06:00

Okay, so what do you think about this? We (at least I) often sing that song by whoever, I can't remember "I want to know you in your suffering...to become like You in Your death, my Lord, so with You to live and never die" and quoting Paul's words. But what does that mean. That same me doesn't really like suffering that much (so I've found) or even just inconveniences like the slow elevator at the back of Block 'H' at my school, or a bus with no seats when I have to go to Taipa.

But the last two weeks this thought has been in my mind- how is God answering that prayer? If I pray to know Him more, if I say I want to know Him no matter what trials or suffering I have to share, then how is that coming true? How is He answering that? Because that's what it would be, right? An answer to prayer and an opportunity?

I have to say that in a lot of ways my life has never been more comfortable. I have a good job, a good church, a roomy house, etc... etc... The things that get to me these days are mostly inside things: thoughts about fruitfulness in what I'm doing here, REALLY wanting to be with family at Christmas, missing my friend Sara's kids, wishing I had a roommate, etc...

So, are these things that I'm supposed to embrace? Or what? What do I do with them? I don't want to run away from Jesus. I want to be teachable. But I don't want to be a masochist either.

My favorite priest, in talking about his move to the handicapped community in Daybreak asked himself this, "Is Jesus truly enough for you, or do you keep looking for others to give you your sense of worth? If anyone had asked me in the past, 'Who is the center of your life?' I would I would have answered without much hesitation, 'Jesus who called me to follow him. But now I dare not do that so easily... (my trip to Daybreak)led me to the second loneliness, a loneliness with Jesus in community. I discovered that this second loneliness was much much harder to live with than the loneliness resulting from physical or emotional isolation-because it is not a loneliness to be removed as a stumbling block to full human maturity, to be embraced as the way to follow Jesus to the end."

So, any thoughts y'all? Is he too out there?
Just some thoughts...from Macau.
Good night.

If the Gospel Was a Song

2010-10-30T10:17:00.002-05:00

Music can say things we're not "allowed" to say. It is not polite, but yet it woos. It catches us unaware- of ourselves, of our backgrounds, of who we are supposed to be.

Tonight at Nam Van Lake a few hundred Macau citizens forgot for 5 minutes that they are conservative and shy and stomped their feet with good effort. DBR http://www.dbrmusic.com/news.htm kept the band building while he ran in circles around the audience to get us standing and clapping out the rhythm. I must respect the lack of respect the band so respectfully showed us to get us out of our shell, even if for just 5 minutes. (And the children in the crowd loved practicing their English counting!) 好有心机。记? I couldn't have worn my heart on my sleeve that long. I"m still not strong enough to fight like that.

But the music transported me...back to Haiti and it's conflicted memories, to the States (okay...I admit it, you're dangerously naive, but you're beautiful and your heart is large...and I miss you) and that beautiful city, Chicago...darn it...music suprising me on the 'L'; hearing the same guy play "Sweet Caroline" at the Jackson stop every night; the Chinese violinist and his grandaughter in front of the Water Tower...the variety...citizens because of a creed, a thought, and not of homogenity.

Music loosens our souls and lets us flow out of ourselves to mingle with other rhythms...to find ourselves in a new region- unexplored. It opens us up.

And I wondered... why doesn't the gospel do that. Why didn't Jesus write us a symphony instead of giving us the Word- language and music...the gifts of humans? I'm curious, really- why didn't He... and what would that song be? The crucifixion in jazz and discordant notes? The resurrection as Handel? But if there is redemption in music and resolution and salvation...if we open ourselves up today to music in a way that we don't do to words...words that seem to set up walls and bombard. Why didn't Jesus send us a song? All those words...preserved through the ages...but no music. I guess that's also our part...unwritten, always written, always inventing.

I wish he'd write a song for this city...a haunting melody of grace for the dark alleys where the prostitutes walk, an oboe solo for the prodigal son. Crashing rhythm that would drum the selfishness out of my students. Patient counterpoint to teach them discipline.

Music speaks louder than words. It may speak louder than Macau money...sometimes.

I wish Jesus was music. I wish he could get the stage for a night. I wish my life could be that song.

Art Following LIfe

2010-10-24T10:03:00.007-05:00

My efforts to become more of a creator like my own...rather than a consumer...images from my first art class- off-kilter but amazing to me, my house, and a photo trip...

Thousands of Tongues Singing

2010-10-16T09:52:00.001-05:00

Today had many good aspects. First, thanks to a great set of eyes given to me, I saw some very interesting things on my day-trip in the Mainland with Ada. While standing in line at immigration, I saw a very special couple. The man was seated in a motorized chair and his wife (?) sat behind him hanging on tight. In this way they skirted skillfully through traffic and made standing in line a much more exciting experience. Almost as unlikely a sight as the wheelchair made for two was the affection they showed for each other. Public affection is rather rare here, especially among a middle-aged couple. All in all, it seemed an exciting way to experience immigration.

Just a few minutes beyond that sighting, Ada and I were about to descend into the underground bookstore when some laughter caught our attention. It was a set of automated giant stuffed animals which could be rented per ride in the plaza. Giant blue, pink and striped animals were zipping around and the kids riding them were having a grand old time. Why hasn't Walmart caught on??

Today's customer service in Gongbei gets two thumbs up! The immigration lives moved along (even with female officers) AND the bookstore allowed me to return a book after I read the first few pages and was scared off of a possible bad ending. (I should have known when the words "Gothic novel" appeared on the back.) Instead I came home with an English version of the Tao Te Ching and a collection of Taiwan's famous children's illustrator's works (Jimmy Liao). Much less scary, I think.

Immediately after returning I went to a graduation ceremony for some friends from church who took part in a missions course. The speaker in a John Piper-esque fashion reminded us that the aim of all we do should be missions..and funny, that it should be, but it was a good reminder for me. God will receive glory when we have done our job.

In a period of holidays, this was my last one until Christmas. I will use this opportunity to tell myself: "Hang in there! You can do it." "Thanks, thank you very much."

Good night, everyone. J

For Laughs

2010-10-03T09:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes grading papers provides my daily dose of long-life pills…. Here's what I got today: "Cars lead to traffic jam and air pollution. To duel with these problems, people should drive less." – a Senior student

From Henri- Part 1

2010-09-29T09:52:00.001-05:00

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I bought a book by Henri Nouwen while in Hong Kong for the Teachers Day holiday. Since then I've been furiously underlining my favorite passages and scribbling notes all over the pages. I thought I'd share a few of his thoughts (from the first 15 chapters!) with you. He is teaching me to hold nothing back from God and to let Him be my all.

On Choosing Joy

Deut. 30:19-20, "I am offering you life or death…choose life, then, so that you and your descendents may live in the love of Yahweh your God, obeying his voice, holding fast to Him."

"How do I choose life? One aspect of choosing life is choosing joy. Joy is life-giving, but sadness brings death. A sad heart is a heart in which something is dying. A joyful heart is a heart in which something new is being born. …When we truly believe that God is life, and only life, then nothing need have the power to draw us into the sad realm of death. To choose joy does not mean to choose happy feelings or an artificial atmosphere of hilarity. But it does mean the determination to let whatever takes place bring us one step closer to the God of life… (CAPS MINE) GOD HAS CREATED LIFE AS AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE….I cannot just force (a depressed mood) it out of my heart. But at least I can unmask it as being untrue and thus prevent it from becoming the ground for my actions."

Recipe of the Week

2010-09-25T06:18:00.001-05:00

Chicken Paprika

2 Tbsp butter

¼ c. olive oil, divided

1c. finely chopped onion

1 chicken (3lbs. ) cut into 8-12 pieces

1 Tbsp paprika

salt and pepper to taste

¼ c. reduced-sodium chicken broth

¼ c. white wine

¾ c. cream

1 large egg yolk

(Yes, this is not low-fat)

1. Heat the butter and 2 Tbsp of olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook for 3 min. Add the chicken pieces, skin side down and cook for 5 min. on each side. Add the paprika, salt, pepper and remaining 2 Tbsp of olive oil and cook, stirring for 2 min.

2. Bring the chicken broth and wine to a boil in a small saucepan. Whisk together the cream and egg yolk in a bowl. Slowly add the broth-wine mixture to the egg mixture whisking till smooth.

3. Pour the sauce over the chicken in the skillet. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Serve immediately.

(This actually is a modified Atkins' recipe.)

Addicted

2010-09-21T08:15:00.001-05:00

If I will be addicted to beauty, let it be

of a simple kind

young eyes fastened to the world

whorl of sun undone by

mystified of ancient clouds

calling to birds as they fall asleep

If I will be addicted to beauty, let it be

a creating kind

baptized by unrecognition

old things new in their old place

patterns lost in graceful shrouds

freedom's artwork to the mind

If I will be addicted to beauty, let it be

of a costly kind

morning devotion of footstep and breath

long-hunted rainbow risen at midnight

carried miracles on faltering paths

persistence at midday, blistering; blind

elegance of stooped persistence

curling skin of glory aged

Nothing cheap and nothing stagnate

let nothing bought freely come to my door.

Today's Good Things

2010-09-14T11:03:00.002-05:00

tonight I went running on "Pine Mt" and this old man that I used to see every morning while walking to work from my old place greeted me as "Friend". :) He wears canvas loafers and khaki shorts and sometimes a shirt every day. He sleeps behind the Kun Iam temple and runs a snack shop for kids.
a little frog accompanied me on my way down the stairs from the mountain...he kept up with me until we got about half way
one of my students, Jennifer, who is a Christian asked me to trade Bible verses with her :)
an important meeting tonight at church was filled with God's presence

It's the little (big?) things that make life good.

The Dictation Evasion

2010-09-12T10:55:00.002-05:00

Sunday night. Rain. Listening to Zaz (a new indie French singer I discovered at HMV in Hong Kong- "gypsy French folk"www.myspace.com/zazofficiel ). Just finished the powerpoints for tomorrows' class. 1/5 of the English dictations graded. Yup, just like in highschool, I'm going to evade my work by writing. Only here it's a blog instead of 100 pen pals. Times have changed.

Wow. What a week. School is back in force. I'm loving my classes, and again, my busyness is temporary because of Miss Miu's broken leg, but seriously… if it's like this for another whole year. ..God- do you have a back-up plan? I'm tired of always saying that I'm busy. That's not godly. That's just crazy. I've gotten better at prioritizing, but I need to get EVEN better. I actually took a 2.5 hour nap this afternoon. I hate missing out on things by taking naps. But it sure felt great today….

Low-Carb Hopelessness

So, three weeks ago I decided to go on a diet. I've never really gone on one before. I just decided to try and wean myself off of egg-basted buns in the morning, and white rice and egg noodles and cut out more sugar out of my diet. I wanted to have more energy for school and be healthier. Today, after many people asking me if I was losing weight but not seeing any results on the scales or in size I decided it's time to switch tactics. Okay- do you know how hard it is to cut out carbs in Asia? First of all, every time I tried to tell the waiter that I didn't want white rice, just meat and vegetables they looked at me like I had two heads. I mean, come on, here we ask "Have you eaten rice or not?" Rice of course stands in for all other things that you put in your mouth. After a few seconds of a blank stare they would realize, "Oh, you want to switch to noodles!" Even when my friends went to bat for me I would still end up with "half the bottom" rice and that's just wasteful. Also, not eating carbs is expensive. You have to eat more meat and more eggs and more cheese (fat, fat, fat) and more veggies to be full. And well, those things are expensive (okay- the veggies aren't and I HAVE been eating them, and I like them, but I wanna eat something else too). So, after three weeks of always feeling hungry and big ordeals when I eat out at restaurants and not having low carb products here (which aren't good for you anyway) and stressing out my friends who want to know why I'm not eating rice, and not feeling good about spending money on a lot of meat, (Isn't that a commentary on resources to spend more to eat less??), I'm giving up. Tonight I was going to eat an exceptable meal and after steaming a fish that really hurt going down 'cause I didn't get out all the bones and boiling yellow melon (I don't know the English name) in chicken broth I really went all out and went to the store and bought bread. I came home and made toast and it was delicious.

Any nutritionists out there with ideas? I think I'm just going to try low-cal and eat lots of oatmeal and celery. Ha ha. Maybe. I really wanna try to reduce stress (okay, okay, and look better) and I know diet and exercise is important. But I've gotta find a less stressful way to do it!

My Neighbors

Did you ever play those puzzle games where you're given certain pieces of information and you have to put them together to identify (for example) which gift in a photo belongs to Sally, which belongs to Sue and which belongs to little Joey? My building is kind of like that (minus the gifts). I'm still trying to figure out who everyone is. My building has 5 floors.(In Macau if the building is over 6 you must have an elevator, so many older buildings like mine are only 5 floors.) Almost all the residents have lived here for over 20 years. On the top floor lives the most dedicated saxophonist I have never met. (Or maybe I have). My landlord says that he's been playing about 5 years. I think they went to school together. He plays songs from soundtracks (I'm pretty sure I've heard The Mission) and some other light pieces and plays them well! Almost every night and some lunches and mornings, I can come home and cook to his music. It's nice. I think he's married to a lady with pretty good English who I often see on my way to work in the morning. Since my apartment has another gate above my floor to which I don't have a key, it's kind of hard to know what goes on up on the top floor. On the floor just above mine lives two couples. One, the Tams are sort of de-facto the heads of the building association. We just got our downstairs door changed and they collected the money for everyone's keys. Mr. Tam likes to listen to music loudly, has a very shiny bald head and drives a motorcycle wearing a German-style driving helmet. His wife has a perm. Next door is a very shy woman who seems to hug the wall every time she passes me on the stairs. She did say "Good Morning cheerfully for the first time last week. That was a good day. One day I had students over and we made cookies. There were lots of extras and we offered her some. Unfortunately, we could not tempt her with our tasty goods.

Next to me is the most mysterious apt. of all. I think a single guy lives there but I have never seen him- maybe once. It sometimes smells of grass-ious substances, but sometimes I am misled by these smells here because of the wares used in burning incense and so-on to the door gods. My landlord says that this neighbor is usually in Mainland. Oh! I forgot the other fifth-floor tenant. There is an older lady who asked me to move the plants on my balcony a few weeks after I moved in. Why? Well, we have to walk down to open our door to let guests in..or, if you're more efficient than I, you drop your key down in a bucket or a string to the person at the gate. I guess Grandma Fifth Floor was unable to see through my bushes and was afraid to lean out too far over her balcony to see her friends and drop the key to them. So, there is a gap on the right side. I'm trying not to let my basil get out of control.

Below me is a family- two daughters, a grandma and two parents. The father must work at night, because my friends have disturbed him a few times during the day with their doorbell ringing. One of the daughters drives a white moped and is quite friendly. I haven't figured out the other people on that floor.

Of course everyone knows who I am. When I had my dragon boat team over for dinner, they only had to ask for the "younger ghost sister" and everyone sent them to my door and supplied them with information about my work. ;)

Daybreak
I started reading a book by Henri Nouwen, Journey to Daybreak. Henri was a Catholic priest. I don't agree with everything. He's also taught me a lot about loving Jesus. On a trip back from Hong Kong this week I was reading the introduction (the book is about his calling to leave Harvard where he had been teaching and work with a mentally and physically challenged community in Toronto). This week I prayed again that I would have an open heart to Jesus. Whatever He wants; wherever He's leading, I want to be open and to listen. I found my heart's prayer echoed in Nouwen's book. When he first visited a branch of the community he at which he would end up, he wrote, "I experienced a sense of at-homeness I had not experienced at Yale, in Latin America or at Harvard. The noncompetitive life with the mentally handicapped people, their gifts of welcoming me regardless of name or prestige, and the persistent invitation to "waste some time" with them opened in me a place that until then had remained unavailable to me, a place where I could hear the gentle invitation of Jesus to dwell with him. My sense of being called to L'Arche was based more on what I had to receive than what I had to give. Jean Vanier said, 'Maybe we can offer you a home here.' That, more than anything else, was what my heart desired even though I had never taken my desire seriously, and that gave the first inkling that my prayer to follow Jesus more radically was being heard. …These journal notes show the struggle, yes the spiritual combat connected with the question, 'How does one follow Jesus unreservedly?' . What binds them (the notes) together in their wide variety is the spiritual struggle to say 'yes' to Jesus' invitation, 'Come and follow me.' It is a screaming and kicking 'yes' that fills these pages. …the experiences in this journal led me to the beginning of a new life."

I liked this so much. It really moved me. I think over the past year or so God has really been pushing me to leave behind old habits; old thinking; old ways and to become more and more the woman He wants me to be. So often I disappoint myself. I rely on my strength and I get burnt out. I want attention from others; I seek to get rather than give. I consume rather than create. I am not moved with compassion when I want to be. But yet, I am changing. Slowly, Jesus is dragging me- hooked on his love, as Nouwen says, to say the "screaming and kicking yes." It is the thing I want more than anything. But the old woman lingers long.

Exhale. Bedtime. It's almost midnight and I'm still deluding? myself that with the nap behind me I can get up at 6:30 to run before attacking those darn dictations.

May God keep leading us all. Dancing, leaping, kicking, screaming..any motion- as long as it's forward into His arms! Good night.

An Ode to Macau Life

2010-08-31T21:09:00.011-05:00

I finished several books this summer and tried my hand at Korean Cinnamon Tea... I'm addicted!
Walking by the resevoir at night...

Summer Flowers

Portuguese Center for Creativity

An Artist's Impression (Print) of Macau

Portuguese Creative Center.. this place has coffee tables and a great atmosphere...their English book shop is also 50% off right now!

I finally took my camera to one of my favorite running spots down by the water resevoir and enjoyed walking there at night and taking photos.

A Horse Fountain (Cultural Center Plaza)

It's like the Mediterannean, but closer- a day trip to Coloane Village (one of Macau's islands).

Coloane

My first attempt at Kim Bap

Re-potting plants...I thought it would be easier just to wash away the dirt after...wrong! Next time I'm putting down newspaper.

Happily repotted!

My new photo wall... do you see yourself?

My hall...

Pumpkin Dim Sum at Sin's Birthday Party

More New Bookshelves

The Springfield Memento Project with My Hero :)

Tina's Birthday Celebration (my new bookshelves)

Hanging Out with Annie

Making Sticker Photos with Elsa, Flora and Ophelia

Qingyun Shining Girls Team

Qingyun Reunion

My House, the Shoe Store- Qinyun Party

Lovely Yammie's Birthday

Isaac and Tina at the Party

Pastor and Yammie Sin's Birthday Celebration

This afternoon we have our opening ceremony for school, so in memory of the summer.....

After returning from vacation, I spent the first 5 days or so with my phone turned off and just enjoyed Macau. I went to places that I usually don't go to or are a bit out of the way. I visited some art galleries and worked on projects at home. Finally some that I started before coming to Macau are doneA And my house is more organized. I cooked and tried my hand at some of the Korean food I enjoyed while in Korea. (After I turned my phone back on I hosted a lot of friends and they enjoyed it more than the usual sloppy joes or lasagna, I think! :) I walked around at night and took photos. I went to one of the islands and had lunch with my friend Jan there. We tried a new place owned by the "Lord Stowe" (of famous egg tart fame) family. It has a back garden with seating and 50s retro Christmas lights. We will definitely go back. This summer was a great time to "feel" Macau

“Yeah, like that will every really happen.” Faith and Cynicism- Korean L’Abri

2010-08-21T00:35:00.001-05:00

Dear Friends- get it while it's hot… as you know, I mostly blog in spurts, so here are 3-4 updates which will most likely have to last you 3 months.. Ha ha. Unless things drastically change, which, you never know, they could.

So, as you may know from reading other entries this week (or not), I had the privilege of going to L'Abri (Francis Schaeffer's ministry) in Korea (www.labri.org) for four days and spending time seeking God and studying.

I went to Korean L'Abri with the intention to study faith giving and stewardship. That was what I had put on my application. However, as I sat on the bus riding to Yang Yang town to get there, I realized that that topic wasn't really a heart issue for me. Yes, there are some practicalities that I need to work out but basically, I just need to come up with a plan and do it. There's not a lot of fighting with God about what do for that one.

What I realized, is that I really needed to spend some time looking at faith again- faith in God's promises, faith in God's power; faith in what God is doing in my life. Current circumstances with my family (which have been ongoing for years), the re-occurrence of dry spells in Macau ministry (periods of time without seeing much "fruit"), and the current stage of my life had really got me thinking.

Basically (and I will switch to present tense here because this still represents my current thought), I know the truth in my head, but, like many others, I struggle to know how to live that out in my day to day life. How do I dwell on the goodness of the LORD? How do I praise Him in the midst of the unknown? How do I live by faith – in practical ways? These were (are) the questions that I was wrestling with. I want to live a life that's not too complicated, actually. I enjoy academics and learning and wrestling with issues but I want my relationship with God to be simple. When I know what His will is, I just want to do it. I want to obey Him without question so that I can know Him better and draw closer to Him. I believe that through this, I will experience great joy. And I think, in the midst of where I live and in the midst of my life situation, that this is a great testimony. I want to live it because it is real in my life, but I hope that that also encourages others.

Part of the process at L'Abri involves meeting with a mentor at least once a week during your stay there. Since I was only there for a short time, I met with my mentor Mo-Kyung (the world's most direct Asian woman….even too direct for me) every day. After giving her the background to where I was coming from (which I have just given to you), she suggested that I look at a few things, one of them being a book by Dick Keyes called Seeing Through Cynicism: A Reconsideration of the Power of Suspicion. As a balance to that (and a few other books…yeah, I read a lot), I also decided to look topically at "faith" in the Bible. I felt like I was reminded of a lot of good things that I'd known and forgotten but also that I was made aware of some new things that I need to pay attention to. As I read and studied, I felt like almost every friend I have (especially my age) could benefit from some of the ideas in Keyes book. So, I'm jotting down a few notes here as a reminder for myself and with the hope that they'll be a blessing to some of you.

One of the eye-opening things that I thought about while reading Keyes' book was the pervasiveness of cynicism in our society (American) and the reasons for that. As Keyes' writes, "Cynicism is so much a part of our culture that we don't even notice it." As I started thinking about TV shows that I love to watch (House, The Office) the truth of his statement seemed self-apparent. And as I thought about the jokes that we Americans make, especially my generation and under (well, okay, maybe some older nameless family members too J) I realized that it's pretty much part of the package in our culture nowadays. But, the question remains, "Why?" Keyes talks about some philosophical reasons (post-modern mistrust of what is "real") as well as practical and experiential ones as well (journalists are trained to be cynical, we expect everything in our culture, such as luxurious AND economical AND environmentally-friendly cars, which of course, let's us down, and our own personal disappointments- the wounds or experiences we've had that lead us to be cynical of the church, relationships, God and the world at large. Those who are cynics because of personal experience use cynicism and negativity as a shield, using their words and thoughts to keep themselves from hoping for too much and to allow others to see that THEY are not naïve; THEY will not be taken advantage of. (This is a very, very short version- buy the book).

Feel convicted yet? I did! And I realized that I really didn't want to live there. So I started out on a treasure hunt of Scripture and in the other books to find out how to live in faith instead and what that looks like.

In our heads, I think most Christians know that cynicism and negativity is not how we are SUPPOSED to see this world. (And I'm not talking about wise suspicion here , and neither is Keyes- like the kind that tells you those emails claiming to get you a new i-pod if you just forward it to 300 people- are a joke.) There was a quote that I really liked by Edmond Cherbonnier in one of the books which said, "Christians should be pessimistic about what man has done to God but optimistic about what God will do for man." I guess I'm not going to elaborate a lot on WHY Christians should have more faith and less cynicism…I think those are things most of us already know or can review easily. But I do just want to share some practical things I'm trying to do…culling from the Word and what I read. Please pray for me that I will be able to live these out in my life.

As I read through various Scriptures on "faith", one thing that really stuck out to me was its link to "authority" , especially Jesus' authority in this world. (See Mt. 8, 17, Mk 2, 4). Those who believed in Jesus natural authority in this world were healed (and I will "cynically" J tell you that I am not going "all name it and claim it" here). Some of what Keyes said squared up with that saying, "Biblical belief rests on an understanding of God's authority in the world AND over me. It's His RIGHT to control my life. I have accepted Him as LORD."

Also, I saw again and again faith lived out as actions (the life of Abraham, the story of Peter walking on water, etc…)..

How do we combat cynicism in our lives?

Keyes suggests that we need to use faith, hope, and love. In love, we need to be humble when we face others and admit that we ourselves don't have all the answers and therefore we don't always need to be cynical of them. In hope, we need to believe that they will not always do us wrong. In faith, we need to remember that Jesus has authority over our lives and that our future is secure.

We need to be aware of the environment of cynicism around us and in us. We need to doubt our own cynical motives- is it just protectionism? Are we just following our culture? We need to dream of heaven and remember God's prepared future for us.

We need to be grateful.

We need to remember that justice will someday be achieved.

We need to be honest with God.

We need to act rightly no matter how we feel.

We need to identify and change our cynical thoughts (not our rightly suspicious ones).

We need to remember that Jesus intercedes for us in our weakness.

We need to free ourselves from fear of man and learn to fear (and trust) God.

I am not finished with this study nor have I done all the background checking of the Greek, and so on….but I feel like I have some good things to go on, even if they are simple or repetitive ones (simple is good!) and I want to keep walking. Please pray for me as I walk in faith!

Coincidentally, it was also a beautiful gift that God allowed me to be in the situation I was at at L'Abri learning about this topic. I was with strangers who yet were part of the Body of Christ who trusted me, taught me, translated for me and loved me. If that isn't a good combatant for cynicism, I don't know what is!

Korea is Out There

2010-08-19T11:01:00.002-05:00

Here are some of the top moments from my recent 11 day trip to Korea where I spent 6 days with friends from Chicago and 4 days at L'abri. You should all go. Great food. Great sites. Great air. Great scenery. Great laughs. Great refreshment.The Chinese say that food is heaven and there are times that I would have to agree. I really liked all the food I had in Korea. (Which I'm sure is easy to imagine from the tasty-looking pictures I've included. Far and away my favorite thing though, was this cinnamon punch tea which I first had at L'Abri. I have procured the recipe (ginger, cinnamon, brown sugar) and since arriving back in Macau have made and drunk about 20 cups. …in 5 days. I will go back just for that tea- I think I love it. (Sam bop, cho bop, and bim bop rank up there too).
"Mongolian hat" BBQ , rice punch, iced buckwheat noodles and my friend from L'Abri, Ming-a (with whom I spoke Putonghua/Mandarin :)), drinking 5-flavor tea.

One of the great things about my trip was the nature that I was able to drink in. As well as fresh air and SPACE! I really miss that in Macau sometimes. While at L'Abri, we spent a half-day off "hiking" at the Osaek Hot Springs area. I loved this tree for the obvious reason that reminded me of fortitude in difficult times. However, it looks like it's dead now…. I guess it didn't have quite enough. My new friend Hyo-Young (Helen) and I…if we're not married when we're 45 we're going to take a honeymoon together (first we have to find each other on Facebook). (Although she assures me she'll meet a handsome guy on that trip, so why should I go??) We had a great time at L'Abri together communicating in English, body language and Korean drama talk.

This picture says a lot to me when I look at it. For me my 4 days at L'Abri (a hostel/retreat/study center started by the late Christian philosopher, Francis Schaeffer) were a huge blessing to process my relationship with God and get grounded and refreshed again. For those few days, the people around this table (plus several more) were my family. We prayed together, ate together (oatmeal bread – just like Mom's!), laughed and cried together. The man on the left, the founder and director of the Korean branch, InKyung Sung, prayed for us all that morning before we took off to go our separate ways. I hope I never forget his prayer….or his desire to buy a Harley. (For more about this part of my trip, please read in another post).

To me, these two pictures say one thing: "Fun!" I haven't laughed so much for a long time. American humor is REALLY hard to understand from the outside. Well, I guess these pictures don't have much to do with that, but it was fun hanging out with two guys that didn't take themselves too seriously (because seriousness is BAD….just kidding). From the beards they're growing, to the excellent renditions of Korean karaoke, to the uncontrollable laughter on the subway that left a lot of people dazed and confused, to lots of Bananagrams and word games- I had a great time. After a busy year of teaching, ministry, moving twice, fixing lots of house things, summer school, etc… it was a tremendous blessing to be with people to whom I wasn't a teacher (although I love that role) or a leader of any kind, or even a "foreigner", and just be Jenny. My two friends, Keith and Lewis, from my Chicago days, took great care of me, offering up lodging, travel planning, luggage handling, translation, a cell phone, camaraderie and plain old American humor to make my trip really restful and comfortable. Not only that, but as I was told many, many times by the locals (and possibly also themselves), they are both so handsome. In the words of one local grocery store owner, "You are a very lucky girl. " And so I was. So basically, although I recommend Korea to you, I can't guarantee an experience as excellent as mine, unless you just happen to have friends as welcoming and as handsome as mine. ;)

The day before I left Korea, my new friend Myung-Sori took us all to Chinatown, which is in Incheon kind of near the airport. In all honesty, the Chinatown made me feel a little ashamed. I want my friends to be able to see the great things about China- her culture, language, food, etc…I have to say that Korean Chinatown doesn't represent that very well. However, there was a very, very bright spot in the middle of it all (besides the ice-cream). We came across this cute traditional park and a marble chess table. My friend has the awesome talent of coming up with random games on the spot, which made my time a lot of fun. That day I had a coin purse with coins from Macau, Hong Kong and Korea. There and then the three of us started playing a game. As you can see, it wasn't long before we had an eager audience who all very politely said "Hello" as they watched our game. And although we didn't get photos of them, there were quite a few adults who were eager to know what we were doing as well.

In addition, for those linguist geeks out there- go to Korea to learn the language. I have recently revised my language goals to include Korean just because it is a linguist's dream (the writing system, that is…) Looking for a little predictability in your languages? Korean is where it's at. (The written consonants are even supposed to represent the position of the tongue in the mouth.

Finally….
Because of the story behind this one picture, I have a great impression of Korea. After leaving my friends in Seoul, I journeyed on in an express bus to Yang Yang on the eastern side of the country. I was the only foreigner on the bus. I had anticipated a somewhat bigger station than the one above. When the bus driver said, "Yang Yang town station" I asked him if there were perhaps TWO stations. Much to my chagrin, the answer was "Only one!" He said it very cheerfully. But I was cheerful a moment later too when I young highschool ? guy got off the bus and used my friend's cell phone to call a taxi for me to get to L'Abri. It's hard to find better guest relations that that! Thank you, Korea !

As they say in the movies, with an appropriate rendering, "Korea, I'll be back."

Multiple Locations of Me- Reflections After Korea

2010-08-19T10:57:00.001-05:00

(Note: I started to write about my recent trip to Korea and this is what came out…. Please check my other posts for more of the low-down.)

We live multiple existences simultaneously. At this moment, Barbara in Chicago might be remembering the Gilbert and Sullivan concert we went to in Millenium Park last year. My mother might be remembering our trips blueberry picking or the fights we used to have over Saxon Math. My friends Katie, Jayne' and Sara are (hopefully) missing our training runs so much that they're deciding to come to Macau to run with me. J Right, girls?

Taking away the time element, (or leaving it in?) all of those memories are me. Yet, today, I in physical form vacuumed the fake Persian rug in my library, threw a birthday lunch for one of my students and went to a Japanese booth-type photo shop to take glitzy pictures with the same group.

Outside of time, I am in Michigan, Chicago, California, Macau and a dozen other places right now. In light of this….in light of all the things that go into making each of us "us", I think it's interesting which life we choose to live the majority of the time and what pushes us forward into each next stage of our lives.

Two weeks ago I went to Korea. I went on an uncharacteristic whim (no laughing out there- yes, I do like to be spontaneous…sometimes) and bought my tickets within two days of first consideration. I spent 6 days with my friends Keith and Lewis from Chicago and 4 days at L'Abri –Korea, a hostel/study/retreat center started by the late Christian philosopher Francis Schaeffer. (www.labri.org) It was a great trip which both refreshed and challenged me and also made me laugh A LOT. (Aside- laughter is so good…and American humor is SOOOO unique. I think I added about 10 years to my life in just 2 short weeks).

To the untrained eye, there are a lot of similarities between Macau and Korea- rice, for example, and lots of black hair (well, in Macau that's not so true anymore…a lot of it is this orange/brown/gold color). And yet there is so much that is not the same. You know, kind of like Detroit and Windsor are not the same place…

To be honest, some of the things that I saw in Korea made me wonder- "How the heck did a girl from Michigan end up in Macau?" Korea surely would have been a more natural fit. How so? Well, in Korea I didn't have to play Tetris (sp?) to walk down the street- not once. The summer is peak tourist season in Macau, so a lot of my fitness plan definitely includes street walking….hmm….I don't think that's what I mean. I mean…walking on the street. Korean people seem (to my miniscule knowledge) to value nature more. I saw a ton of people on the train and in the mountains with hiking gear (and makeup!) on.

Outside of buildings, things were spacious and clean and, well…comfortable. I also admired the effort to which the government/people? seem to have made to preserve their historical tradition. Students can go to school to learn the traditional arts, folk music is played on the subway and at least some girls that I met can still cook traditional food. Macau, on the other hand is like a teeming puzzle. Streets were built for cannons and horses, not cars, (which is why the Formula 3 race held here every November is one of the most dangerous in the world). Since it's a peninsula and an island, it's hard for Macau to expand to accommodate all the residents and the tourists here. Since they've grown up in an almost totally urbanized setting, people in Macau tend to be timid around nature, to say the least. And given the turbulent history surrounding Chinese culture in the Mainland, the theme here seems to be "new is better". And maybe it is in other Asian places too, and I just don't know.

(And I'd like to qualify here that there are many things that I love about Macau, such as: the surprise shops hiding around the corner, the underground tunnels on the mountain, nai cha, running on Pine Mt. and at the reservoir with the night lights reflecting off the water, egg tarts, the Fat Man's curry bread bowl, Three Lamps, "North South" flowers, my hairdresser, Vietnamese meng fen, dragon boats, sangria at the Praia Grande, the World Heritage houses, walking around the Square at 10 pm, Tina, Hazel, Loi, Basilla, Isaac, and ALL OF YOU Macau people that I love, etc…. it's just a more unpredictable choice for a Michigan girl- that's all.)

But back to the point-, I live in Macau. And while I was enjoying myself there and resting in God's presence, I was also here…and my life here was going on. Ophelia was waiting for me to get back to show me her photos from Osaka. Joy was waiting for me to talk about sponsoring a child together. Flora, Kakei and Elsa were waiting to start a small group at church. J (Yeah!) My water pipes were waiting for me to come back and fix them (*sigh*)- for now, I have pulled them apart and am letting my washer drain into the floor. He he. I am now preparing to share my testimony on Sunday night… and, life goes on.

Actually, I naturally was not a person who adjusted to new things well. The moving back and forth between existences as the ONLY one who knew all of them ( but thanks to my sister, Jackie and Esther and Maiko who have taken the time this year to visit and see my life here) and how I was in all of them used to bother me. And sometimes it still does. But these days- I like to think of myself; my life as stationary in the heart of God. The view changes, as does the language and the food, and sometimes I myself do. But still I am always there, in the center of safety, and I am SLOWLY learning to trust that and to rest.

The last few weeks have been a great example of God's perfect preparation. Now I can lay back into those large hands and wait for the next turn of the globe.

Through repeated steps and circumstances, the desire of my own heart, the needs here and the encouragement of others, God has brought me to this place and this moment. The me that goes on for now, for better or worse, is the Macau me. May God give me strength to live here faithfully and to love it.

青云之行

2010-08-02T00:34:00.004-05:00

好啊！你们青云团友给我感召力从新开始用中文写我BLOG里面一些的文章。我好久没史过。对不起。对我来说，用拼音打词比其他的方法更加容易。所以，我想用简体字写，好，吗？我过去四天真地感动。当然，不是第一次去一个比较贫穷的地方，但是，我也受了一个很大的提醒。
Because of my recent trip to Qingyun and my great experiences with my teammates...I got inspired to write this blog entry in Chinese. (And now I'm going to do a very quick translation for the rest of you.) While I was there I felt God gave me some important admonitions.

第一。。。神的自然真的是美丽。有时候，我们在城市中的生活是看不见的。我觉得，看大自然是一种休息而且可以帮我们得到自由的感觉。我们的神是非常有创意！看到很美丽的风景帮我记得神是伟大的。我自己的困难很小。如果他可以创作这个很美丽的天地，他一定可以帮到我！

First, God's creation is really so beautiful. Sometimes in the city, we can't really see it, but I think it can give us rest and a sense of freedom that we sometimes miss. God is so creative. His creation reminds me that He is great and I am small. If he's so big, then and can create this beautiful universe, then He can definitely help me with my small problems.

第二。。。在神眼中，我们，每一位是重要的。我非常欣赏我们团队里面每一位。神不介意我们是哪里来的，我们是做什么工作的（无论是农作，老师，学生，还是茄汁很得行的表达什么的。。。），我们有多少钱，我们的样子是怎么样（好像阿Kid的白羊子，或是“小小“的红点点一扬），等等。。。他很爱我们每一位。

Second, in God's eyes, we are all important. He doesn't care what work we do (farmer, teacher, student, xxx) or how much money we have or what our appearance is like. He loves each of us as we are.

第三。。。昨天上崇拜的时候，我们有唱一歌。。。“我在这是因你恩典，慈爱。。。”我哭了。就是因为我从新认识这个真理。在青云看到的小朋友，如果不受到神的恩典，也是我。（HMM...MAYBE SOME GRAMMAR PROBLEMS HERE... ) 那些没有人理的女儿，没有机会听到福音的学生，有可能使我。

这里，我想非常感谢美一味给我能过感受这个很特别的路程。特别谢谢Tina 和 Donnie. 我们玩得很开心。我们经过很多很宝贵的经历。

救你们书其很开兴。。。能遇到神对你们的预备。明天见！我们在有机会玩开心吧！

Third, yesterday after coming back to Macau, we sang a song in worship, "I am here because of Your grace, Your compassionate love." It made me cry because I experienced the reality of that again over the past few days. If it wasn't for God's grace, I would be those little girls that we met that no one paid attention to. I would be those kids with no chance to hear the good news.

Because of all the things I learned, I really want to thank everyone on our trip and especially Tina and Donnie. We had a great time and we experienced a lot of valuable things.

In Need of Conversation

2010-06-28T05:37:00.002-05:00

So, this week...I've had a really crazy fantasy. I sit down over a cup of hot latte and talk for hours with a good friend about life, and motives and goals and books and they ask me real questions.... Yup...this is my fantasy- no money or good looks required...just a cup of coffee and a good talk with a friend. Isn't that sad? As my students would say, it's so "poor". I find myself day-dreaming about Chicago when Jayne' was just a few blocks away or I could go to the magic coffee shop with Katie or go to Sara's for a "bit" and end up spending the night and then she'd drive me home (heh heh). Ahhhhh...good conversation is worth its weight in gold, I tell you!I can't focus at work. I realized that it may be in part due to the lack of processing I've been doing?

My other fantasy occurred this week when we had 2-3 days in the 90s with 90% humidity, a rare blue sky and blazing sunshine...I want the beach- not more days working on the TOEFL ppt. Does moving slides around really count as work? Don't answer that.

Resolutions: I need to get TV at home.... I've missed almost the whole World Cup due to lack of service AND...after 10 months being here, it's time to get internet at home too...of course, I need to buy a new computer first. I need a new IT partner...I don't trust my choices and no one is a phone call away anymore! The only decisions I want to make right now are about where to travel. My "life" list includes: Morocco, South Africa, Vietnam, Cambodia, Yunnan, Sichuan, Xinjiang, Tibet, Zhejiang provinces in China, Alaska, Europe- yup, all of it :), and probably some othe places I'm forgetting, but none of them are options right now. It looks like the grand winner might be a day in Hong Kong! I will lose myself in Page One and feel just as happy as if I was in some other place.

Books are my ticket to another world.
Good night, everyone.

What's New?

2010-06-17T02:12:00.006-05:00

Open Day with the AP Class and Principal Kou

Last day of AP class- I brought the cake and my students made me a card. :)

Pui Ching-ers, past and present and Hoi Wan team!

Our team in action- thanks Mr. Cheang!

Warm- up!

Third place tastes pretty good!

So, I'm thinking that I can't get away with just posting photos again...since that's what my last three entries have been. Sorry, guys!

Let me try to summarize the last 6 weeks or so in a few pithy titles. I am now...

"Queen of Fan Assembly", having assembled 3 new fans in my new house as an effort to save the environment by using less air-conditioning while somehow managing to survive myself

"鬼妹"- the ghostly younger sister of the dragon boat team that I joined two months ago. (Although I learned last night that I'm among one of the older members, ahem). I can't say that the process of learning how to paddle correctly was pain-free. In fact, one night I went home and just cried, perhaps for the first time in my life, because I was so physically sore. We racked up probably close to 60 hours of practice in just a short amount of time. However, we finished in 3rd place in the Women's 500 meter event for the Macau-wide competition and 8th overall in the international event competing against national teams from the Phillipines and Singapore among others.

Yesterday, one of my teammates, who also was my student before (Although we didn't plan to be on the same team, it was a nice surprise.) asked me if I was going to boat again next year. I definitely hesitated, thinking of the pain, but if I can keep in better shape in the next 12 months, I think I will. It's been great to really have another arena in Macau to meet people, stay in shape and have a life outside of school and church. I love feeling like I belong here in a new way. It's been good for me to, to have to learn how to deal with Chinese-style coaching pressure, and just do my best, no matter what others thought of me. As the only foreigner on my team, I definitely felt under the spotlight at times, my most hated place to be, but it was worth it. When the day came that I could translate the commands for a sub (Dutch?) one day during practice, I knew that I had come a long way. And when my teammates started laughing at my jokes in Cantonese, I knew I had come even farther. It's been a good season. Tonight we are going to Mainland China for one more day of competition. Then, my coach said she'll teach me to kayak! :)

"Second-Year Teacher" - yup...I have finished my first year at PCMS. Next year, I will be taking on another section of the AP class that I loved so much and dropping some troublesome English Corner and difficult conversation hours. Woohoo!

"Tenant" - Praise God, I successfully moved to the most beautiful porch in the world, which just happens to be a few blocks from my school. (Oh, and there is a house with it.) I felt extremely rich when I went to the plant store and ordered enough plants to fill it up without asking the price first (Okay, I did have some idea.). In about 3 weeks, I have accomplished WAY more in this place than I ever did in the first 1p months back in the old house... AND the price of the new one is the same in spite of it being MUCH bigger. God has blessed me. Thanks for all of those who gave money to outfit my living space...much of it was spent on bookshelves from IKEA. :)

Hopefully, most of you have been getting my prayer updates in which I shared about all the great student opportunities I've had lately.

My online time needs to come to an end so I can go home and fumigate (Yup, I saw Daddy Cockroach, Mommy Cockroach and Baby Cockroach last night. I was very disappointed as I'd thought my place pest-free till then. Don't worry Mom, they'll be gone before you come!) my apartment before leaving with my dragon boat team

I'll put in a few pics before I go.

Letting the Pictures Tell the Stories

2010-06-05T00:17:00.004-05:00

Dragon boats after practice in the light of the casinos. They look so peaceful in this light! It's another story when we're paddling them!
It was a good shot, so what can I say?

A taste of my new home through the yellow filter on my camera. This is the porch and it's one part that is finished.

Celebrating Basilla's birthday...more to come.

Last meeting of the year with the reading club. Well, we didn't do any reading!

Flowers from Senior students, Form 6A. I was so touched. The biggest bouquet I'd ever gotten in my life and one of the students made it! Thanks, guys!

Card from 6A

Walking in the Rain

2010-04-26T08:17:00.006-05:00

The last two Thursdays it has rained... and two weeks ago I wandered in it...

Form 6 C

2010-04-13T09:39:00.003-05:00

This class of Seniors is so much fun...the boys wore these wigs in the All-School Singing Competition and then brought them to class for pictures.

On Being "Strong" or "Weak"

2010-04-05T09:36:00.004-05:00

A few Sundays ago, this really cool girl came to our church. She's from Hong Kong, around the same age as I am and she also works in a foreign country as an English teacher. She shared her story in front of church and I was impressed by her honesty, her openness and her friendliness. She lives in a remote area and has had a few accidents with her scooter, grows her own vegetables, etc....Afterwards a few of us went out to lunch with her and were able to share more. It was fun to share with someone my own age who understands what it's like to do what we do- and who also loves coffee! I hope some of us can go and visit her and see her work sometime in the future.

But afterwards, every time I mentioned how much I liked this girl to my friends here, the first adjective they used to describe her was, "strong." And they all said it hesitantly, like it was a bad thing. I was so surprised. Did the things I liked so much make her seem less womanly to my friends? I mean, I know they all like her, but I just thought their first reactions were so interesting.

Actually, I hate the word "strong." When we say that someone is "strong," we usually mean that they have somehow been given enough grace to endure a situation that was extremely difficult and that they've been able to bear up under it. Sometimes we say that to mean a lack of emotion under difficult circumstances. But you know what? Sometimes that person just doesn't have a choice. When you have one life to live you have to go on living. Sometimes if you don't keep walking, you'll never walk again. Being "strong" doesn't mean that you're not weak. It just means that you ask Jesus to carry that weakness, and you go on instead of giving in to it. Sometimes, the thing I most want to do is be weak and to let someone else care for me, to care for the difficulties. But I don't have that choice, and so therefore, I have become a "strong" person. Paradoxically, sometimes the more weak you really are, the more "strong" you must become in order to keep going.

I am a strong person. I love the feel of the wind when I run. I love soccer and the smell of grass and dirt and playing baseball. I come from a country where woman can play physically demanding sports. I love my girlfriends who are frank and maybe I was happy to see that on Sunday...But I am a "strong" person who cooks more than my womanly friends. I paint my toenails and I sing. I grow plants and I burn candles. I love baby things and lots of styles of bags.

Please don't summarize my new friend's life by only saying that she is "strong." Please don't say that I too am only "strong."

Help us! Give us the freedom to be "weak."

Weighing Housing Choices and Easter

2010-04-03T08:22:00.004-05:00

With my friend and co-worker, Silvia on a recent trip with school staff.

I've begun the process of apartment hunting again. Now I have a few choices in front of me. Do I rent from my good friend's sister or keep looking for another place. So far, I've always resisted renting from someone I know, because I haven't wanted to add pressure to a good relationship. But, that hasn't meant that I've had good rental experiences. The Chinese side of me says that I should rent from her and give the money to someone I know. It would be more stable (I could live there for a few years until I have money to buy my own place), her dad could help me fix th leaks, etc...., and it might be cheaper. The location is good, the view is okay and the space is actually really big for one person in Macau. I could have groups over easily and have an extra bedroom for guests. The American side of me doesn't know if I can live there for a really long time because of the interior design. The walls are all covered in pale-ish old wallpaper that feels even more depressing then the place I'm in now. The porch is great! I could live there, I think. I actually did sleep out there one night last summer when I stayed in that apt. for a few weeks.

The longer I live in Macau the more I realize how important our home environment is to us Americans-and how we're willing to pay more to get what we want, I guess. This is definitely not a common characteristic for most people in Macau. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to live in a surroundings that are really what I want. BUT I also know that my life is stressful enough that I want my house to be a haven and someplace I look forward to returning to, even for a "short" period, like three years.

It would be SO great though, to save money faster. Anyone have any good ideas for non-invasive ways to cover up wall-paper?? I was thinking about some big plants and maybe a wall-hanging or one of those picture wall ideas. Well, I guess the last two are kind of invasive. If anyone has some thoughts, let me know!

I've posted a lot of new photos on Facebook of our school's Sports Days, a teachers' trip to Mainland China and others... be sure to take a look! I've just posted one here.

**********************

This year for Easter my church held a youth retreat...kind of a day camp at our church. Yesterday, we watched the Passion movie, had worship, a foot washing ceremony and celebrated "The Last Supper" together. I've kind of always felt that Christians in the Catholic tradition do a better job than Protestants usually do at commemorating Christ's suffering on Good Friday. So I was really happy when my colleagues at church planned this retreat. For many of the students it was their first time to experience such an event and from their sharing this morning, I think they were really moved.

My language tutor asked me last week if Easter or Christmas was my favorite holiday. I said that they were so different, it was hard to choose. Christmas tends to be a difficult holiday for me in Macau because I miss all of the American cultural and family traditions- I love the songs, the tree, looking at the snow (not being in it), etc... But I think Easter really is my favorite holiday.

Since I graduated from high school it has stopped being about Easter eggs or candy at all. I don't think I've done any of those things at all. So, in a lot of ways, it's probably the "purest" Christian holiday for me. When I'm in Chicago, I like to go to Fourth Presbyterian's Maundy Thursday service and Bethel's Good Friday service. Here, our church association always has a special service on Friday.

This year I was really struck while reading in Luke 24 about the connection between the disciples fear and disappointment after Jesus' death and their lack of knowledge of the Word, or at least, understanding of it. It caused me to examine my own life too.

I've had my share of disappointments, and I have my own fears as well ( I think we all do), but do I really look at those things in light of God's promises? Do I see them in light of the sure hope of heaven? If I do or if I did, then those disappointments and fears will cease to be big things in my life anymore.

Christ has risen! I am free- from sin, from fear, from death- I am a new creature and I can live a new life.

Every year this becomes a little more believable to me- in my heart...I pray this year will be the same.

He has risen indeed!

Happy Resurrection Day!

Updated Wish List

2010-03-21T08:53:00.000-05:00

I added a few books and games to my wish list if anyone's interested in early Christmas shopping (and shipping!) I'm finally figuring out what works with my students! ;)

Good News and Water Heaters

2010-03-20T18:26:00.003-05:00

So, I think most of you know by now that I need to move again. I had signed a two-year contract but there was a clause I hadn't noticed that said my landlord needed to give me 3 months notice before I had to leave. Based on that, she can "legally" ask me to leave early, and she is planning to move back into my apartment herself.
Last week I met with her along with my friend Tina. In fact, I'd pretty much decided not to fight her decision, because I don't want to be living in a place with "bad blood" between me and my landlord. But I really wanted to ask her to at least pay the cost that I would need to pay for resettlement and the realitor's fee that I'm going to have to pay twice in six months.
Last year when I moved in, the deal almost fell through because she didn't want to remove some of the Buddhist statues and stuff from her house and she didn't want to pay for appliances if they broke because she was planning on immigrating to England. It took a few hours of tough negotiations before everything was solved. So, when I went to meet with her this last time, I didn't really know what to expect.
The funny thing was that the last month or so I' d really not been feeling at home in this place. Well, really all along. It's in the apt. building I really like, but it's still a little dark and I hadn't been able to paint or do any decorating because of my busy time schedule. It just felt temporary. And now, lo and behold- it is! And I'm really thankful that God didn't let me waste too much money on a place that I'll be leaving soon.
When I met her, she was adamant that she would only pay me 1000 MOP (about 120 USD) as an "apology" amount. At that time, both Tina and I just felt like we didn't know what else to say to her. Although our realitor had told us that common practice was for the landlord to pay 2 months full rent, we didn't really have a legal leg to stand on. So, we just told her that we would need to think about what I was going to do.
Then, last week, my water heater broke. This was one of those appliances that she specifically said she was not going to pay to fix. There was definitely a part of me that rose up in protest and said, "Fine! I'll boil water till I leave and get my money back by not fixing those stupid appliances." But eventually, I felt God telling me that I needed to stick by my word even when she didn't stick by hers.
So, in the past few weeks, I've made arrangements to have that fixed (1000 MOP- the same amoutn she was going to give me) and started looking at houses.
Then, last night when I was taking a bus home from an inter-school choir competition (where my students placed in the highest category!!!), she called me out of the blue and told me that she was going to honor all my requests and give me two months rent and whenever I found a place, I could move immediately and only pay part of the rent for that month.

I'm so happy that I choose to do the right thing first. And then so happy that without loud protests or coercion from our side, that she also changed her mind and decided to treat us in the right way.

Thanks, God!

It's the New Year- again

2010-03-07T03:01:00.002-06:00

Of all the places in Macau, the best decorations are always in the old Senate building near the square...natural and traditional- I love to go there and take pictures!

This year I followed in my dad's footsteps and bought a tree instead of flowers to decorate my house.

Spring Scenery

2010-03-07T02:43:00.005-06:00

Chinese New Year is also known as "Spring Festival." It's starting to look like spring in Macau with the flowers blooming. Here's a few photos:

The street my school is on at dusk.
My favorite park and running spot, "Pine Mt."

The azaleas are in bloom.

A climbing bush that I love outside of the teacher's "lounge/kitchen" just behind my office.

"Bear" and Vivi's Wedding

2010-03-07T02:17:00.005-06:00

Girls!

Jessie and I had fun taking pictures. This was our favorite.

The traditional crispy skin pig, which is delicious... and bad for you. Don't know what Grace's doing with the chopsticks.

Vivi and her dad

The wedding ceremony, held at another local church to accomodate the number of people. I helped with reception and the "guest book" signing.

Pretty ladies- Ceclia and Debbie

Hazel and Isaac...(who loves to sing worship songs) with the engagement photo of "Bear" and Vivi

Two friends of mine from church got married yesterday. Here are some pix from the wedding ceremony and the banquet at night. I was very excited about my dress- it's the first "formal" one I've ever worn outside of bridesmaid's dresses.

My Birthday

2010-03-07T01:47:00.004-06:00

This is the group portrait that the students drew of me at the party... I liked the scarf the best.

The students prayed for me at the end of the night.

We played a game (well, I watched) where they had to take my Chinese name (and other people's names) and write another name using words with the same sounds and tones.

My friend Tina and I with the birthday crowns we all had to wear

I had dinner with some friends at an Italian restaurant, but my friends took the pictures... maybe I'll put some up later. I got a really warm woolen blanket. Then, the next day, the youth group threw me a party and invited some of my other students. Here are some photos.

School Days

2010-02-08T05:36:00.006-06:00

Cutie pattootie kids!

Tea with Vienna, one of my "AP" English students

Christian Student Fellowship group BBQ- Chinese style!

Fellowship BBQ , the boy in the foreground was my favorite. He's the younger brother of my student Lulu and he's adorable. He was totally into the BBQ and got stuff mashed all over his face. Like mom used to say, "The harder you played the dirtier you got." Not about me, of course. :)

During the school's Open Days, we invited Mr. Harald Bruning, the editor of the Macau Post, and Mr. Paulo Azevedo, editor of Macau Business Magazine to speak at our school

Newspaper staff with the first edition of the Pui Ching Post-It

My English Corner room with books given by Flohras

The view from English Corner on a clear day. The yellow and green buildings also belong to my school. You can see the contrast of the old and new buildings in the background by their heighth!

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

2010-02-08T05:30:00.003-06:00

Poinsettas in my windowbox...they're still going strong
Finally...pictures of one student party. The cookie decorating table is to the right!

An Assortment

2010-02-08T05:25:00.004-06:00

My associate pastor, and adopted elder brother, Awan and his girlfriend Sam Sam at a Taiwanese food festival in Macau
I got traditional Chinese cup therapy! It's supposed to draw toxins out of your body!

Tea for KaKei's birthday (my friend and the girl I am "training" in youth group leadership)

Our other friend, Jessie, a famous reporter in Macau! Okay, not famous yet...but soon!
Jessie and Kakei are both my former students

On the way home tonight…

I saw a man about my age pushing his pet pooch in a pink stroller
I heard a Middle Eastern? man proclaiming loud American-sounding obscenities that seemed like he’d gotten them from a movie
I watched the lion-dance team whose office is housed in the lower part of my building practice for their New Year’s dance.
What did you see?

Memory

2010-02-03T08:20:00.001-06:00

I nursed it in my bosom while it lived,
I hid it in my heart when it was dead;
In joy I sat alone, even so I grieved
Alone and nothing said.

I shut the door to face the naked truth,
I stood alone -- I faced the truth alone,
Stripped bare of self-regard or forms or ruth
Till first and last were shown.

I took the perfect balances and weighed;
No shaking of my hand disturbed the poise;
Weighed, found it wanting: not a word I said,
But silent made my choice.

None know the choice I made; I make it still.
None know the choice I made and broke my heart,
Breaking mine idol: I have braced my will
Once, chosen for once my part.

I broke it at a blow, I laid it cold,
Crushed in my deep heart where it used to live.
My heart dies inch by inch; time grows old,
Grows old in which I grieve.

I have a room whereinto no one enters,
Save I myself alone:
There sits a blessed memory on a throne,
There my life centres;

While winter comes and goes-oh tedious comer!-
And while its nip-wind blows;
While bloom the bloodless lily and warm rose
Of lavish summer.

If anyone should force entrance he might see there
One buried yet not dead,
Before whose face I no more bow my head
Or bend my knee there;

But often in my worn life's autumn weather
I watch there with clear eyes,
And think how it will be in Paradise
When we're together.

-Christina Rossetti

Xi'An

2010-02-02T05:31:00.002-06:00

I haven't talked too much about my trip over Christmas. So for those of you who've been wondering...
My trip to Xi’an was a shot in the arm. Since arriving in Macau in mid-August, I had really had only 3-4 days without ANYTHING scheduled since I work 6 days a week and go to church on Sunday. In Xi'An I had great God time, planning time and play time. It felt amazing just to be quiet, meet myself on market streets trying local snacks and really have a chance to think about why I'm here in China. I even got some planning and lesson planning done without worrying about the next thing on my agenda, the lesson I had to teach the next day or who I had to remember to call. Vacations are good.
So...Xi'An...what was it like?

Yup, I’m a typical foreigner that loves all that traditional Chinese stuff that modern Chinese find so outdated. You can take the fauxe leather couches and the cartoon characters! Give me red silk and porcelain.

Many people have said that if you want to study Chinese history, you should go to Xi’an. It probably was at the bottom of my top five list of places to visit in China until my friend Erin moved there last year. When she invited me to visit…I jumped at the chance. And boy,is it full of history. To totally uncover just the KNOWN are of the mounds where the Terra-Cotta Warriors are buried will take decades of time. That’s not to mention the other mausoleums in the area.
We didn’t even have time to see all the main sites. We missed the old hot springs where one of China’s famous 4 beauties used to bathe hundreds and hundreds of years ago. We also didn’t see the site of the “Xi’An incident” (between Communist and Kuomingtong forces) where you can apparently still see bullet holes. Xi'An is also the place where Lao Tze wrote the "Tao te Jing." (I can't remember the old pinyin for that book, which is what most people know it by...sorry).

When you’re face to face with the Terra-Cotta warriors, it’s just unbelievable that they were made BEFORE the birth of Christ (around 210 B.C.). I think one negative aspect about the advent of the television is that it makes everything seem modern…we see it all – features, news, unreal stories, in the same black box.

I love places that seem full of stories and Xi’an is one of those places. My friend and former co-worker, Jan left on Dec. 26, took a bus to Guangzhou and then a plane to Xi’an. We visited the Terra-Cotta Warriors, the mausoleum complex of China’s first emperor, went to a Uyghur restaurant (where we saw traditional dancing), visited the Hui Chinese market (several times), saw a Shaanxi shadow puppet show, Xi’An’s unbroken city wall and visited with my old college friend all in the space of about one week.

It was fun to fall in love with Chinese culture all over again. Sometimes it makes me sad when my friends or students don’t realize what a heritage they have. Then again, how did the country which once invented almost everything get to the place where they now copy everything? What happened to the creativity?

There was one street, near an arts school that I really loved. We saw shops full of nothing but calligraphy brushes and stores that held sheet upon sheet of folk art paintings. We bought sweet potato chips from a guy selling them on the back of his ratty old bicycle and watched a woman making earrings of out wooden chopsticks. (She carved the ends into flowers.) It was probably the most "complete" collection of Chinese traditional arts that I've ever seen. I bought a LOT of presents!

I left feeling re-charged and ready to go back again soon! I recommend it for those considering a China trip in the future!

New Beginnings

2010-01-27T06:31:00.002-06:00

Last night I was overjoyed to see that the snowpeas that I’ve been cultivating for about 4 months now are finally bearing fruit. Like me, they’ve had to show a lot of determination in a place with so little arable land! Boxed in next to my window in a little window-size container they are now happily producing. I can’t wait to taste them. To celebrate the occasion, I’ve asked two friends for dinner next week. I’ve already tried the lettuce I’ve been growing, and to be honest, it didn’t seem like anything special, but my friends pronounced it very “fresh!”
It seems like things might be turning a corner for me as well. For most of this month I’ve been able to come home before the sky turned black, my email inbox has never gone over 101 unopened messages, I’ve finally gotten most of my address changes done and my Christmas decorations are finally down! I’m hopeful that my growing understanding of school life and the reduction of my weekly hours will enable me to have something left to give or do after the day’s work is over.
Thank you, Lord!

From Haiti- My Friend's Story

2010-01-26T05:57:00.002-06:00

Pam's story: (I went to school with Matt, and Pam in Chicago)

It had been a long, tough week. My boys were sick and for eight straight days it seemed like all I did was clean up puke and diarrhea, heat another pot of water to give Luke a bath, change Silas’ sheets again, and hold my 8-month-pregnant-self together when I thought I just couldn’t stand one more stench. The rain didn’t stop all week, which meant when you don’t have a washer or dryer, my piles and piles of laundry were not going to get clean—or dry! I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for myself, and at age 27, it was one of those days when you just want your mom!

It was Tuesday, about 4:30pm. My boys were finally feeling better, the sun was shining, and my laundry was drying! My husband Matt took the boys over to the central park across the street while I caught up on a few e-mails. I quickly wrapped up my work and hurried outside to join them, anxious to get some fresh air. After about 20 minutes the boys and I headed back to the house. As we were climbing the stairs, the house began to shake. Having grown up in California, I knew the drill. I snatched up Luke in one arm, Silas in the other and hurried to get under the nearest doorway. As we stood there for what felt like a long time, I second-guessed myself, “Hmmm, the rules might not apply in Haiti. Maybe this doorway wasn’t such a good idea.” Thankfully, the shaking slowed, we were safe, and there was no apparent damage.

I started on dinner and called a friend who lives about an hour away. The phones were down. Matt tried to get online—internet was down too. Little did we know that family and friends back home were listening to breaking news of a 7.0 earthquake that leveled Port-au-Prince, and were now trying to contact us to no avail.

After dinner, Matt ran out to an Internet cafe with a satellite connection to see if he could find out any news. I bathed the boys, got them in bed, and waited for Matt to get back—I was anxious to hear. The look in his eyes when he walked in the door said it all. His face was pale and he blinked back the tears that filled his eyes. “It’s bad, Pam. It’s really bad.” We talked for a bit and then he headed back outside to talk with neighbors and friends. I retreated to our quiet bedroom, picked up my Bible and read Psalm 46—how perfectly fitting.

The next morning it became apparent just how deeply our community was hurting. In Haiti, Port-au-Prince is not just the nation’s capitol; it’s the nation’s heartbeat. Wipe it out, and it’s only a matter of time before the entire country goes down. Water, gas, food…Port-au-Prince supplies the population with nearly everything. Furthermore, everyone has family and friends in Port-au-Prince. Outside, groups of people huddled around small radios to hear the latest news reports. The few that have television made it available for others to watch. Neighbors were desperately trying to call loved ones—still no word.

Helpless. So much need; yet feeling so helpless. Our neighbors were feeling the same way. We are connected to resources that could help, but how? Matt and I sat down that evening and racked our brains for ideas. We wanted to help our community, but as we continued to hear reports from Port-au-Prince, it became apparent that loading up a vehicle and heading there was probably not the best idea. So, we began coordinating an effort to get much needed supplies to those who are in Port-au-Prince and who are in a much better position to help than we are. Supplies will be gathered in the Dominican Republic and distributed to organizations (orphanages, hospitals, etc.) so that they can stay on the ground and keep their doors open to help. (For more info on this you can see our website: www.highwaytohaiti.com)

I took the boys next door to see how our neighbors were doing. They brought me a chair, as they always do. No one was really in the mood to talk—I was glad because I wasn’t either. So I just sat with them. The matriarch of the family (affectionately known as “Big Mama”) was trying to call her son in Port-au-Prince as I watched my two play in the dirt. I knew she knew that I understood.

“Bondye pa renmen Ayiti” (God doesn’t like Haiti) is the word on the street. And though I know it is the furthest from the truth, I can’t blame them for feeling like that. From its beginnings as a slave colony, the people of Haiti have suffered and endured unimaginable tragedy, abuse and injustice. When you think things just couldn’t possibly get any worse in Haiti, they do. Time and time again, Haitians display their iron resilience, and somehow find a way to press forward.

These are the days they don’t prepare you for in Bible College. These are challenges I don’t remember hearing about in my missions classes. It was all so fun back then—translating the book of Jonah from the Hebrew text, studying the historical backdrop of Jeremiah, and understanding the literary structures in the Psalms. And yet, what do I say to my neighbor who believes that God has forgotten about them? And even if I knew what to say, who am I to say it? After all, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clean water to drink, and…at the drop of a hat, I can get out of this mess and go back to the comfort of the US if I want to. If I offer them myself, I offer nothing. But if I offer them Jesus, I offer everything. For who better to understand their pain and suffering than He who endured the pain and suffering of the cross. Who better to comfort than the Father who watched his own son as he was crushed under the weight of the sins of mankind. Why He allowed it to happen? I don’t know. But in times like these, I can only cling to what I do know. And I know that He is good, and that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, His ways higher than my ways.

On Tuesday, the boys and I will head back to the States. I hate to leave at a time like this, but baby #3 is soon to arrive! Matt will stay and continue to coordinate relief efforts for a few weeks. Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti. May they turn to the God of all comfort, to Christ the Savior, and to the Spirit who intercedes on our behalf.

Pam McCormick

Celebrating Anniversaries

2009-12-23T00:36:00.005-06:00

Photos taken from our school's website:

We celebrated the 10th anniversary of Macau's return to China with a 7:50 am flag rising ceremony. One of my students, Michael "threw" the flag of China and did a very good job.

Can you see me in the photo below? I am in the teachers' line just to the right of the shortest line, probably about the 10th from the bottom of the photo. Our school gave us snazzy white track jackets to commemorate the anniversary of our school and we wore those.

Chief Executive Edmund Ho (now Former Chief Executive) handles the student crowd during an official visit for the school's 120th anniversary School dignitaries cutting the 120th anniversary cake during our dinner with almost 700 people present. (I guess we cut cake for more than just weddings here. :)

Stamps issued by the government in honor of our school's 120th anniversary
These are photos of the dances performed for the school's anniversary variety show. I added some here before, but these are better.

We're Famous!

2009-12-06T17:17:00.003-06:00

The English Corner full of guests for our school open days...
The local English newspaper covered our first edition of the school English paper...my name's in there!

During the open days the students held a lot of English shows in the English Corner, here is our Dean of Moral Education giving out an award...a nice view of the room.... with our new "smart" board

Students performing the English drama on our new stage. They sang songs from HS Musical, Grease and Abba.

The girls singing "Summer Nights," from Grease...

Holding the Pui Ching Post-it with some of the newspaper staff in our English Corner room

More student performances

Our school has a prize-winning dance team, here are some of the members performing a minority-Chinese folk dance.

Appetizers- After the Fact!

2009-11-18T22:51:00.003-06:00

Random little tidbits...

-I'm hosting a Thanksgiving meal for my church this Sunday. We are not having turkey, because, "it's too tough," according to my Associate Pastor. ;) Does that have any connection with being a 'tough old bird?'

-Thanks to my old student and friend, Ada, who is now working as a receptionist for The Venetian Hotel, I was able to go see Cirque de Soleil' show, "Ziai" - a long-time dream...AND the Venetian didn't make any money off of me. Ha ha.
http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/en/shows/zaia/home.aspx

-I'm training to run a race next year with my friend, Claudia...as yet undecided, but we might run up the Macau Tower

-In one week, I found a place in Mainland that sells amazing carrot cake (my favorite) AND found out that Lord Stow's bakery (creator of the famous Portuguese! egg tarts) now makes mini pumpkin pie tarts...they are so good. I might just buy them and not make the pie. Would that be cheating??
http://www.lordstow.com

-Miss Macau an alumnus of my school, is contributing to the first edition of our school newspaper. I'm including a picture. In the picture, you can see the unique characteristics of Macanese people (Chinese and Portuguese), of which, Miss Macau is one.

http://www.missmacaupageant.com/2008/index.html

Tasty tidbits end here!

Dessert- Strong Women to Accompany Me

2009-11-18T22:17:00.002-06:00

When my sister came to visit me at the end of September, she brought along a notebook that was my Great-Grandma Gilliland's devotional thoughts for the year I was born. A friend of the family had asked her to write it for them and had since decided to pass it on to me. Now, every day I wake up and I drink my coffee sitting by my window with my growing plants (my shout out to my farming family) and read Gma's words. In some spots I can hear her voice (in the really sappy, dramatic spots). Coincidentally (?) the calendar of the year she wrote it/the year I was born is the same as this year. So, today, I read November 19, Thursday's entry, on Thursday, November 19. Her words and the knowledge that the same God who sustained her will sustain me gives me courage to go on. I'm sure that in the great cloud of witnesses Grandma is watching and cheering me on wearing her baseball cap. It's nice to feel that I have family here accompanying me!

Recently, (okay, a month ago), I went to a concert as part of the Macau International Music Festival. We really get a lot of good shows here (even before the casinos), and the tickets are really cheap. I went with my friend to hear a concert celebrating the 60th anniversary of the founding of modern China. Unbeknownst to me, the lead violinist that day was a lady named Liu Na. She, and the Macau Orchestra played selections from "The Butterfly Lovers," a piece written by students at the Shanghai Conservatory of Music in 195??. Although it was written by students, it has become one of the most acclaimed Chinese orchestra pieces. Amazingly, Liu Na herself played the violin for it's very first performance when she was just 18. If you do the math, you will realize that she's now a 78 year old lady. That, however, has not lessened her enthusiasm to perform or the beauty of her skill. She got three encores, and I have to confess that I really got tears in my eyes thinking about her life, the last 50 years in China and all that she and those of her age have been through. Somehow, she has retained the ability to smile, to be joyful and to touch others with her music. I want to be like that when I'm 78.
Here's a link to that music and also the "Yellow River" concerto, another of my favorites, which tells the origin of Chinese people ("People of the Yellow River") through music.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Qx9saG45I - Butterfly Lovers
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJBU9TyRA80&feature=PlayList&p=4A1245432C80F247&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=13- "The Yellow River Concerto" played by Lang Lang

The Meat- Thoughts on My Spiritual Journey

2009-11-18T21:53:00.002-06:00

Leo Tolstoy said, "Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself." I think one of the most absolutely thrilling and dumbfounding things about being a Christian is that we get both at the same time. God simultaneously changes me (and by changing me, and you, and you) and humanity. I love that as created beings we have 'cosmic unity.' I love that as believers, we have Body unity. Given to us in fact, but must be actuated by us in our daily lives. I love that when we become believers, God lives in us and we in Him and we are unified. The resurrection power of Christ has changed the "playing field," we are new creatures and are constantly becoming what we will be, and we can help create new creatures.

But back to me.... God is changing me. I'm often told here that, "People are very difficult to change." That's true, but by God's grace, it is possible. I see it in myself. I was very encouraged to hear my friend J., who used to be my coworker with WorldVenture tell me that she can see it as well (the change, I mean). I remember the first year that I lived in Macau I almost had a heart attack when my boss told me with a week's notice that a short-term couple would be staying with me for a week. That seems almost laughable now. Now I live in a house with the paint falling of the walls, I had to wait 3 months to open a bank account, I just finished lesson plans for the term I'm currently teaching, etc... And I'm okay with that!! (That's the change. ;)
Little by little, God is showing me that I only need Him to be content. Yes, I love a beautiful surrounding, yes, I love to be organized and to plan so I can have scheduled free time, but that's not what my soul really needs.

These past 3 months have taught me about prioritizing in ways unimaginable to me before. What have I prioritized? The next day's tasks at work, student's behavioral issues, worship, prayer, quiet time, eating, sleeping (!!), running, youth group events, and my half a day to myself on Sunday (strictly observed). That's it! (So, sorry, yes, communicating with people in the States hasn't made the list...it was send an email, write a blog or go to the beach/garden/park/Starbucks to relax. I decided the last was more important. :) I think you'd agree.)

I remember that Martin Luther used to say that "Today is a really busy day, so I better pray twice as long," or something to that effect. I wonder if he did that every day... they say that there are ruts in the stone from where he kneeled to pray every day. That sounds painful. I'm not there yet. But... I am changing, I am growing in my perspective of what's important.

So- what are my prayers for myself?
They are quite simple. I remember that one of my best friends once said, "I can see that you just want simple life." At that moment I was peeved with him and thought that was a stupid thing to say. But it was almost prophetic. Now, that is what I want. Most of the stuff I think I want is temporary anyway.

My prayer:
"Lord, I want live a simple life, not a cluttered one. Lord, I want to live a thankful life, because everything I have has been given. Lord, I want to fear you and not man, YOU are my boss and the one I'm accountable to. Lord, I want to live a joyful life, because everything I need comes from you. Lord, I want you. Give me more of yourself."

I have always loved John Donne's poem:

"Batter my heart, three person'd God; for you
As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to breake, blowe, burne, and make me new."

That's about it- I think that sums it up. I make mistakes, I let myself get cluttered, but then He brings me back to this prayer. And -yeah!- I'm changing.

I pray this for you too.

Feast or Famine

2009-11-18T21:42:00.002-06:00

I know it's been famine for a while on this blog, so I'm going to take today to give you a feast...divided into courses for those of you who don't have much time. Then you can pick and choose what you'd like to 'eat."

This course- soup, light and easy.

In the last 3 weeks, the weather in Macau has dropped from 30 C to around 8-15 C (the coldest Macau gets). Basically, it's gone from 80+ with 90* humidity to around 40* with a windchill that makes it feel 30*ish. I've actually seen my breath a few times. I hadn't really planned on winter based on past experience for about one more month. Thankfully, since I didn't have time to go and buy a comforter, I remembered that I had brought my sleeping bag with me. It looks really swank on my bed. I did buy one absolute necessity: a cloth cover for my toilet seat. (Remember, there's no indoor heating in Macau). So, my house is also about 30* ish with windchillllllllll. (Sorry, that's the chattering).

Today I woke up with the sound of the Macau Formula 3 Grand Prix in my ears. It goes by the park next to my house. Made me wish that Jim and Linda were here.

Save room for meat!

Proof of Life

2009-11-10T03:39:00.005-06:00

I'm alive! Eating out with friends... a regular night and Aloi decided to snap a picture.

I don't think that's my middle finger...Ben...I'm just telling you now.

Sandy, me, Aloi

Near Joe's home and St. Joe's church in Macau...isn't it pretty? That's why all the Westerners like me like to go there....:0 or so I've been told.

Red

2009-09-30T05:08:00.004-05:00

Red is the color of celebration in Chinese culture, (although not the reason for the red on the Chinese flag.) Today I received 2 red eggs on my desk to celebrate the one month "birthday" of the child of a colleague of mine.

Tomorrow is the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China. Lots of taxis were driving around today with mini flags on top of their vehicle. I'd like to wish all of my Mainland/HK/Macau friends, "Happy National Day."

This Saturday is also Mid-Autumn Festival and my friends have donated mooncakes and a traditional lantern to make sure that my sister and I enjoy ourselves... Which brings me to another "red" item: my sister is here! So my life has become divided into school segments and sister segments for the next few weeks. One of my friends took her to the Macau museum this afternoon because I was supposed to have a meeting. However, that was canceled, so I'm taking this time to catch some electric "zs." There were 90 unopen emails in my inbox. Oops. It's not that I like that...I just can't deal with everything right now.

Because of the holidays, I have a four day weekend. My sister and I are traveling to Kai Ping in Guangdong province. It is the area where the most people have immigrated overseas of anywhere in China and it is full of fascinating old houses and stories. If any of you read Lawrence Yep's books for young adults, this is the place where many of the immigrants came from. We will return in time to celebrate Mid-Autumn Festival in Macau with our lantern.

Please pray for me as I am very tired between school still getting started; preparing for our school's 120th anniversary activities, opening English Corner and hosting my sister. They are all "red," but so are my eyes.

More pictures coming courtesy of my sister's camera!!

PS- My boss has an English blog that's worth taking a look at: http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/chonglaikun/

Things Unseen

2009-09-22T05:50:00.002-05:00

(Warning: this is a disturbing entry).

This week I've been reminded of all the things going on around me that are unseen or unnoticed. At our youth group meeting this week we were talking about a lot of current news as the Macau Legislative Assembly elections were held this week. One thing that came out was how there has been a recent trend in Hong Kong for young girls to sell themselves online in order to buy namebrand products. When I heard this news it was like someone dropped a big weight on my heart. I know that there is a tendency for money to be the ultimate god around here (often the god who is worshipped is the one who gives the most luck, money, etc...) but this was worse than I'd thought. Thankfully, it hasn't yet affected Macau in the same way. I usually try not to compare U.S. culture to say "Hey, we're better," but part of me thought...well, at least the sex epidemic in the U.S. is still due mostly in part to peoples' desire to be loved (I think). But then, I guess I'm pretty naive. And maybe it is the case in Hong Kong as well. My pastor told me that a lot of the girls are from difficult family backgrounds. Maybe they're just trying to fix their lives with stuff. But, yeah, that was my first thought- not that that is the right place for sex either- (as we use it in the States, I mean)- I don't agree- but it someone seems less horrible to me. And maybe I'm in the wrong there as well.

And there have been stories of public abuse of power that I really just can't bring myself to write about... sometimes I want to protect the reputation of the places and people I love. But it's bad.

In the midst of all this darkness, sometimes I see funny (really!) reminders that there is also God working behind the scenes. This week those reminders have come in the form of T-shirts- yes, T-shirts. I saw one that was all decked out in rhinestones which read: Sinners & Gospel. In the back ground was a Old West-style town. Ha ha. Another had a verse from Romans on it wi ththe words sor tof allmixed upli kethis. So- I somehow doubt that the content was understood by many. But it made me laugh and remember that things are not always as they seem...but yeah, there are things unseen.

I know I'm definitely going to be watching my students for signs of Louis Vitton or Prada.

Opening Cermonies

2009-09-22T05:47:00.003-05:00

Where's Waldo... I mean Jenny?? See if you can find me in this photo from the opening worship?? service for teachers at my school ( we also heard a political speech). :) But singing songs in choir was fun. It's been awhile.

Miscellany, Address, Prayer Request and Moola

2009-09-16T00:34:00.003-05:00

Yeah! I got paid this week for the first time. I treated myself to a couple of new English books. Ha ha. I know those of you who know me are laughing right now.

Please pray for me as I have to confirm the timing of all the English Corner activities this week. There just doesn't seem to be enough work hours to teach 22 hours AND come up with materials for each class. I will be doing activities for the 1st to 12th grades, so there won't always be a lot of overlap. I need to speak politely and clearly to the school but come up with some creative solutions. I really need an assistant to help me find activities- especially for the younger kids. If any of you guys have ideas- please send them on! I find comfort in the thought that next year I'll have a great store to use again!

For those of you who have asked, my address is:

Jennifer Renee Moul (I need my name as is on my passport for packages)
Fuk Hoi Gardens
Fuk Hong Block
2 Andar -J
MACAU

(The post office will usually ask if Macau or Macao is the correct spelling. Either is fine.)

Later gators...another class to teach.

Stored Up Thoughts

2009-09-13T04:32:00.003-05:00

Breathing room...space... I find myself in a place with a good internet connection and a little bit of spare time. I've actually been writing down things to share with all of you, but I haven't had time to share yet, much, besides the "necessities." So- prepare yourselves, this will be a long one!

Macau Moments

One of the things I most love about Macau is that it is an old place- it's history is much older than the U.S., but you can always find new faces of Macau- tucked away in the nook of a street somewhere, or sometimes flagrantly out in the open. These are a collection of my favorite moments from the last 3 weeks:

Soon after I arrived, I saw a man smoking a cigarette and riding a motorcycle at the same time....It made me wonder- does that cause a greater distraction than texting??
On Thursday when I went into Mainland China, I went to an underground bookstore. I was pleased to find that their selection of English books has at least quadrupled. I'm sure some of you are wondering what I would possibly do with more books, but actually, I'm thinking of building a house made of books. :) What was curious, however, was hearing "The House of The Rising Sun" played on ancient Chinese instruments. It was followed by a Christmas song. At first I thought that my ears were playing tricks on me, but it's pretty hard to miss that melody.
This afternoon, after church I went to a traditional garden behind my school. Actually the school and the garden used to belong to the Lou family. After the passing of the patriarch? they donated the buildings to the school and the garden to the city. In the last few years they have added a new koi pond- those are the Asian fish that are so expensive that they need guards at night. To the uninformed American, they simply look like oversized goldfish. Today I saw one that was the exact color of sunshine and I saw him do a flip that would surely have landed him a gymnastics gold medal in the fish Olympics. I wonder what it would be like to have a body that was all of one piece??
Also earlier this afternoon, I met with an old student who is now studying in the States, we walked a ways to a Taiwan-style frozen ice shop and on the way found a new store that had just opened up. It's wares are all cast of theater props and costumes along with some handmade items and gifts and snacks from Taiwan and Japan. See what I mean? Just walking on a familiar street, you can suddenly turn the corner and encounter something new...and yet, it is familiar- a good point for an originally "country-girl" like myself.

Ngo Dik Sam Ching (Okay, this basically means "My Feelings" But it Sounds Deeper Somehow in Cantonese)

I guess I've written a lot of facts or a lot of things about what I'm seeing....but what's going on inside of me? I feel really at peace, being back here. Maybe this will wear off with time, but I don't think so. It is definitely better than last summer-that's for sure. I love the feeling that I have time- I have time to decorate later, I have time to buy the things I need, I have time to figure out how to live here, etc... I don't need to hurry. This is a marathon, not a sprint... Knowing that I can finally "establish" myself in a life, that I might actually have a home makes me happy. I am a person who loves habits, actually. I like to walk the same way to work everyday; I like to eat the same thing at all of my favorite restaurants. That way, when I do do something new, or a surprise comes along, it is all the more surprising!! I remember when Thereza A. came with me to Macau two summers ago she remarked that I seemed so much more "me"; so much more vibrant and alive here than she ever saw me in Hart (although I love my hometown and I loved working with the youth). That has always stuck with me and I guess I agree with that. Although Chicago I think is better than Hart (as far as feeling myself) and although in Macau some parts of me cannot be shown or have small opportunity (like playing soccer), I think by most standards, she is right.

In Macau, I feel that I can breath- I have space. This seems odd because it is a crowded place. This seems odd because the people here speak a language that is not my own (although I am making it mine). This seems odd because I definitely do NOT fit in on the outside. But on the inside, I feel comfortable. It makes me comfortable that people show deference and concern for their friends and family to the extent that they do (although this is not true for strangers, sadly). It makes me feel comfortable to see so much history displayed on Macau's streets. It makes me feel comfortable to be able to literally walk my life to go to the places I need to on my own feet. When I serve others, when I speak into others' lives, I feel empowered to do so- not like I need to ask someone's permission to do what God has given me to do. I feel that my gifts "fit" here. The only explanation for this, I think is God's hand in my life. I really feel that He has made me, my personality, my character, my likes, etc... to love Macau, to serve Chinese people. This is a great thing; not to be taken lightly. I can look back and see the steps of my life falling behind me in beautiful precision (although at various moments it was not clear). So- in the end, I feel very thankful to be here and I want to live and serve out of a thankful, happy and satisfied heart...one that finds all these things naturally in God and I want to naturally display them to Macau people.

God Moments

So- I am not living in Macau as a missionary. I have a regular job. I am simply a Christian living in Macau. Ha ha. I love it. So what does it mean to live God out here? Or anywhere, for that matter? That is our purpose, is it not? Today, watching the fish swimming around in their pond, I thought about the beauty of it- each created thing doing what it was made to do...and in so doing, giving God glory (sorry to all my friends who believe otherwise...but this is what I think).

Actually, I think for all of us, it is those small moments that give away what we really are inside- never mind the big shows. When we are cut- what comes out of us??? I've been amazed recently to see how God has been changing me for the good these past several months. Those of you who know me, know that I am a planner ( I do this to protect myself) and that "flexible" is something I am still learning. Happily, in Macau I've had to be flexible and I have found that what is coming out of me is something beautiful and not something bitter or angry. For example- (I promised you all the apartment story; here it is) with my apartment. Before I left the States, I prayed for a place close to where I lived before so that I could both walk to school and also walk to the mountain where I like to run. Well, I started looking for places when I first arrived, within days, actually, but most were pretty far from both places. I found one cute place with a great view (which I posted on this blog before). I felt pretty comfortable with this place, so I payed the security deposit and waited to meet the landlord to sign the contract. The day that I was supposed to sign the contract, the landlord decided to move back in herself (I guess she liked my painting suggestions). Here the rental process is a bit more complicated with lots of go-betweens. So, at first, one of the go-betweens was not going to give me my security depost back ($500 USD). That would obviously have put a big dent in my rental funds. As I faced the reality that with that money gone, I didn't know how I would rent a house until I got more salary, I surprisingly for me, didn't panic. I really felt that I was in God's hands and that He would provide for me. I was able to share this with both of my real estate agents, one of whom is not a believer. That day, sitting for hours listening to everyone dicker about what was going to be done didn't bother me- I just felt peace and thankfully, I was able to display that in a city where this kind of thing would have usually sent everyone involved into orbit. (My agents said this was the first time they'd ever encountered this kind of thing.) Looking back, I think this was God re-directing me, because the place where I am now living is in fact, next door to the place I used to live. So, I am 15 minutes away from school and the mountain (by foot). Even the process of getting this apartment was complicated. It was fully furnished and a solid apartment, but unfortunately, there was a lot of Buddhist worship accessories inside. When I met with the landlord, I had to ask her to remove all of these things. A couple of other sticky points came up in the contract- dealing with fixing appliances etc... At one point I thought that this contract would also fall through. Amazingly, it was not the local agents who were able to secure the contract for me. As I listened to her get more and more upset, I just felt God impressing on me the need to speak to her person to person. So I did, and I revealed to her my current situation being in Macau without family, etc...which obviously makes me look weak. This is not really the cultural norm, but amazingly, it opened her heart and she also shared about how she plans to move to England and about her fears for that process. Afterwards, I reflected on how amazing God is, that He would use my mouth; my sometimes poor Chinese to make a way to live in my house. It really felt like an ordained moment. I hope she was able to see some difference in me. Please pray for her as they leave for England this week (She and her two sons- her husband is gone).

I think I have mentioned that my school is a Christian school- but this is often displayed in "powerful" ways and not always in personal lives. One awesome chance that I have chosen to take is to pray for my students before each class. This is unusual and kind of weird for them, but many old students have told me later how much it means to them to have someone care enough to do that.

I hope these things show some example of what I am doing here- living among the people, but also being salt and light; to adapt to the culture, but to also show a different way- to show the value of following God. Praise God, He is giving me opportunities to do that!

Daily Life and Service

So- the nitty gritty...whew...last section...take a deep breath. I am currently teaching 13 hours a week. Once the English Corner activities get up and running it will be about 22 (I will be in charge of those). So far, it's been much better than I expected. I love the AP class that I'm teaching and I see them 3x a weeks, so I feel like I can actually make a difference in their English and spiritually. Even helping with the anniversary drama has been fun. These days, I'm usually at school from 8 or 9 till around 6- then I go to the market, go home and cook and watch TV or read and fall into bed- unless I have a small group at church, which are all mainly in the evening. Sat. I also need to work a half-day, and we have student group in the afternoon. Sundays I go to church; eat lunch with church people and then I have "quarantined" the rest of my day off for myself.

The "youth" group at church currently has three small groups: the highschool students; the university girls and the university guys. Each is led by a recent university graduate. The job of the adult leaders is to train up those leaders and to oversee things in general. So, I am in charge of the highschool leader, Donnie (girl). In addition, I am partof a career womens' group and will help with worship or Bible study, etc... But these are all activities. :) I think ministry/service for me is happening in these venues and also outside of them as God has given me weekly, various people to challenge, encourage and support on a one-one or group basis. Pray for me as I for the time being, fulfill these roles and pray about ways in which to lead/train our student leaders and lead newcomers. At the moment, I have some ideas, including: developing unity and teaching discipline (both physical and spiritual) by coaching some students to run a 5k in Dec. , I may also lead the student leaders in the Experiencing God study soon. Another thing that God has put on my heart is for the sort-of "fringe" people. I'm wondering if there is some kind of Sunday lunch thing I can put together or build on the tradition we already have of usually going out together.

Okay!! That's the juicy details. I need your prayer support for my health, staming and prioritizing. I'm not overdoing it (thus few emails!)...just doing each day's work and that is a good thing.

I will attempt to make subsequent posts shorter and more regular for easier digestion!!!

After such a long saga, I feel like I need some closure, so -

Signing out from Macau!!

Jenny

Presenting... and Chinese Cup Therapy

2009-09-12T01:12:00.008-05:00

My House

Here they are, Judy... (these are the "before" shots)...this is my dining area with the area outside for hanging flowers and to dry clothes (no porch this time :( ) The flower arrangement was done by my friend Venus for church last Sunday, but it was too pretty to leave to rot there, so I lifted it and brought it home. :)

This is my bedroom with the little monkey relaxing. I didn't like the curtains, so I took them down. Eventually I'll get new ones...what you see are the linings. Everything is WAY protected against the sun. My windows have screens...a luxury item!

My home as seen from the front door. You can see the opening of the kitchen there and my green Japanese washing machine. It has a LOT more counter space and cupboards than my old place.

The living room...looking towards the front door...notice all the traditional furniture?? I will have the walls redone at Christmas; no time for decorating, but it's still my place for now! :)

The guest bedroom/study- my sister's soon to be home. It sleeps 3 in that bunk bed, so come on over!

The bathroom...it's not that dark in real life.

Teachers' Day

This last Thursday was Teachers' Day, so we were off of work. I went to Mainland China with my friend, Ada for a massage ($10 for one hour) and lunch. While getting my massage, the masseuse offered to give me Chinese cup therapy for free. (http://chinesecupping.net/). I have always been curious about this technique, so I thought, "Why not?" It's thought to draw toxins out of your body and stimulate cell growth. Since I am a "hot"-spirited?? person, I tend to have more toxins in my body. So... they use china cups and suction your skin leaving marks like the one above on my arm for a few days. While it was being done I felt like some kind of weird turtle. It kind of pinches, but afterwards, you can feel the restoration of the blood.

All in all, it was a great day- massage, Japanese-style noodles for lunch and I got a new book at the bookstore in Zhuhai.

More to come.

Super Teachers

2009-09-08T06:32:00.004-05:00

This is the Junior/Senior High English Dept. at my school. They're all posed to look like a famous ad for tutors here. I'm in the back on the right. I was placed there to balance the whiteness of the foreigners- seriously. It's not the best picture of me, but hey- it's a photo. Our fearless leader, Ms. Angela Chong is front and center in the black. My colleagues have been a great help in my adjustment to full-time teaching. If you click on the photo, it will come up bigger.

It's election time here in Macau. We are going to have a new Chief Executive, appointed by Beijing. Then there are elections for 1/3 of the general assembly, with 2/3 being appointed by the Chief Executive. The streets are full of Macau-style advertisement- a blue pickup trick (Japanese-make) blaring music and recordings by the candidates. They are mostly representitive of different portions of the population: the new immigrants, the youth, the casino industry, etc.... The latter usually wins the most votes.

I have discovered a great thing in Macau- coconut M&Ms. Seriously.

Okay, that's all, I was at school on duty today (which involves me telling lots of little boys to stop running around the school open area- very successful) for 12 hours. I'm ready for a break. But- it's a sign that I'm an official teacher; for that I am grateful..and for the fact that cute little Chinese kids can understand my sometimes weird sentences!!

More serious updates to come.

An Igloo is a House for an Eskimo; A House is a House for Me

2009-09-01T09:04:00.002-05:00

Okay. I signed a contract tonight. This story has been pretty amazing to live the last couple of days and it deserves to be told in details ( a good opera, perhaps) but I have to teach at 8 am tomorrow and all things are not finished. :) Very un-Jenny-like.... So, I will tell that story soon. In the meantime, I have the keys in my hand;I plan to move in tomorrow night. I should have a phone of my own to go in my home in the next two days as well. I'm sort of amazed at myself even- no freaking out, and living life as it comes for a change. Ha ha. "It's not the end of the world."

BTW-this place is actually IN the same complex that I lived in before. Think our prayers were specific enough! :)

Still Homeless

2009-08-30T09:19:00.002-05:00

Well, the house deal fell through at the last minute today. I think it was a blessing, in the end, though. I don't think that the owner would've been a good landlord. So- I'm going to keep looking and try to at least move closer to school (my friend's sister's house) for a few days. Tomorrow I have my second full day of work. I'm looking forward to getting some lesson plans done and getting my new desk set up (hopefully it will be ready- the school is remodeling.) The new desks will all have phones and laptops; they are all cubicles now...super-nice. The school's opening ceremonies are on Tues.

A Room With A View

2009-08-27T22:57:00.004-05:00

view from the place I will rent- I sign the contract tomorrow- 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, 1 kitchen...come visit!

at the Star World Hotel - buffet dinner for our Pastor and his wife- both had their birthdays recently- I should have taken pictures of the food- it was gorgeous (and tasty!)

Some More Pictures

2009-08-25T23:17:00.008-05:00

More fun times before leaving... a day at the beach with my favorite kids: Evelyn and Elliot (and Sara too!), Springfield with Sara and Jayne', and the sendoff at the airport.

sun in your eyes, Elliot?

Now they want to get buried every time they go...ah, "mo mo"s are so fun.

Springfield

This was a trip that I've wanted to do for a long time. Abraham Lincoln has always been one of my heroes and I'm kind of related (distant cousins to his step-mother?). Going there just made everything come alive even more. The National Park tours were great and so was the Presedential Museum. Doing it with two great friends made it even better. We went on a tour about Mary Lincoln, and now I want a book about her for Christmas, The Madness of Mary Lincoln.

Look carefully, we're all there...

In the Sprinfield courtroom shortly before getting thrown out... I guess they don't like people sitting in the antique judge's chair (not this one). Oops.

in Sprinfield village as Lincoln would've known it

hanging out with heros

"I do the very best I know how- the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten thousand angels swearing I was right would make no difference."

Abraham Lincoln

of course we had to do facials with Jayne'

Keeping the food budget low...we recycled from the free hotel breakfast!

Dressing to kill??

We also went to a great garden, the Lincoln Memorial Garden twice but didn't get any pictures somehow, rats. It was beautiful.

My send-off girls. One cool thing happened (among others). I'd been looking for a Chicago Starbucks travel mug to replace the Macau one that I'd given to Laurie to remember me. I'd seen them before, but the last few weeks before I left I couldn't find any. At the airport, we went down to get some coffee and chat before I boarded and there they were! Thanks, Linda, for a great gift! Thanks for coming ladies- love you!

"There's More Than One Thing

2009-08-24T06:15:00.004-05:00

...that can cause you to lose your health." (For me, that may be teaching "High School Musical"- see below). That's the best thing that I've seen written on a T-shirt so far...Yup, my favorite game continues. I saw another one tonight that said something like, "Movie stars, drcgs, parties, beer, and bwatches." I think that someone who was actually familiar with English must have written that one because all of the objectionable things were misspelled. Ha ha.

I thought I'd write a bit more while I'm waiting for my friend, Jan to finish up her stuff. As I said, the day is fast approaching when it'll be more difficult.

The meeting at school today went well. I will be teaching English conversation to some of the highschool classes, teaching several advanced (AP-type) English classes, and leading the English Corner activities. Also on my plate this fall will be something new: drama. Our school is having an anniversary in November and I've been asked to help with English coaching. The drama teacher and I will be in charge of making sure that our school's English looks brilliant while performing "High School Musical. " Aiyah. David- I need your help! Could you get credit for coming out here??? Too bad I don't like the show.

After the meeting, I went around to enquire about cell phone plans, opening a bank account, looked at more apartments, etc... Right now all the pieces are kind of like a puzzle. You have to put them together in the right order. In order to get paid, I have to open a bank account, in order to open a bank account, I have to have my work visa (which I'll get next week after school opens) and an address. In order to have an address, I must find an apartment, so it all leads back to that. At the moment, I'm leaning towards the one by the dog tracks. I wish I had a camera to take pictures to show you all the view. It looks over one of the "mountains" in Macau; it's very green. I can imagine myself doing some great cooking there. And did I mention the hard-to-find storage??

I had a great weekend of reconnecting with people. I spoke at the youth group and had a lot of fun with the teens playing one of those clapping games with 3 beats. I did it mostly in Cantonese, which was good, but I also found out that there are 2 or 3 words (right/left) that I've now been mispronouncing for 3 years. NICE. Afterwards, on the bus on the way home I saw this guy that looked vaguely familiar. He looked at me; I looked at him. I sat behind him and finally I tapped him on the shoulder and said: "Weren't you my student before?" He was; thankfully I remembered his name. Jerry and I talked for a long time. He graduated from my school and has gone on to work full time at one of the casinos as a supervisor. That made me kind of sad. He said it's better than going to university only to come home without a job, but still... I'm praying that he will remember the things we talked about in class and will also be impressed that we ran into each other and that I remembered his name. Pray for him.

Favorite sight of the weekend: smoking and riding a motorcycle at the same time. Does that impare your driving more than a cell phone? That'd be a good study.

Night, everyone- from Macau.

House Hunting

2009-08-21T20:56:00.003-05:00

The first night- I look pretty good after all that travel, right? The fruit plate at the restaraunt we all went to carved the melon in the shape of a phoenix!

Hi, guys!
I'm so excited to say hello from Macau! So far, this has been my easiest adjustment with jet-lag. I'm staying with one of my old teammates from WV, Jan, and this has been a blessing. She lives out on one of the islands, Taipa, which is a little less busy and far from my school. So, I've been re-couping here. We get up and walk/exercise together, have breakfast and then I've been able to do errands or read or visit with a few friends. I'm not in any hurry to jump back into life here- I have time!!

As I mentioned before, my flight was extremely smooth- if they were all like that I'd like flying! I sat next to a guy who's wife is from Guizhou and he was going back to China to secure her visa to come to the States, so we talked for awhile- mostly I tried to sleep.

My friends came to the airport and tried a different tactic to greet me this time...they all hid in the crowd at the ferry terminal (it's not big) and I had to find them- it was kind of like "Where's Waldo." That was fun. (My pastor was hiding behind a big map!)

So- I'm slowly trying to set up life here: I got my bus pass and a temporary phone. I looked at four apartments yesterday. There was one I liked pretty well, it had a great view of one of the little mountains and it's up on the 30th floor, so there was lots of fresh air; the kitchen had a nice view. It's not very close to school however, and near to the dog racetrack, so I'm not sure about that.

I'm actually leaning toward's renting from my friend's sister temporarily. This is the place that I lived last summer. Although it would mean moving my stuff twice, I feel like it would give me more time to look. Also, the price for apartments here is still pretty high. If I wait, I can save more money and keep more money free for other expenses at the moment. I'm going to spend some time really praying about that this weekend, so please join me! I plan to take some time this afternoon to really look at the pros and cons. I may look at some other places as well. The realitor is a lady from our church association, so that has been really nice, because I can be very honest with her about what I like or don't like. I've been getting more Mandarin practice with her because her Cantonese is very influenced by her Fujian-ese accent. (Ha ha- okay, that last sentence will mean nothing to most of you- sorry). When I was here before, the older couples I worked with really took over the housing negotiations, so I feel like a real adult thinking through all of these issues- it's both challenging and fun (don't worry, I won't sign anything without getting advice!!)

One great thing is that I'm seeing a LOT more storage in apts then I used to. It used to be you had to buy free-standing cupboards to store stuff in, but there seems to be more built in now.

Pray also for wisdom with setting up my banking. I switched to Citibank before coming here so that I can do international transfers for $5 a month not $50. But now that I'm here, some of the information I was told is different- like the minimum balance. It's mostly a corporate bank here, so I need wisdom about whether or not to proceed with them.

This afternoon I am going to share a little with the youth group. Monday I report to school.

That's basically it! The humidity is lower than normal- that's nice. There's less tourist traffic than last summer because of stricter travel visas and the economy- honestly, that's nice too. Basically, I'm really enjoying myself and I feel like I'm taking things at just the right pace.

I won't have as easy access to the internet until I get my home account set up, so I'll be using it at school. That may mean less posts for a while, but I'll do my best to keep you all updated.

Thanks for your love and prayers. I'm here. Yeah!

(PS- Thanks to the Winchells again, for your help with packing, Nelsons for their financial advice, and Mike R for the shipment help; all of you who came to my farewell party and to pray with me. It meant the world to me! I wish I could bring you all over once I'm settled to see some of the results of what you did!)

(PPS- the stores seem to be selling more colored paint?? I noticed several yellow and blue rooms on my apt. hunt yesterday. Woohoo!)

Fun Times with Friends 2

2009-08-13T16:39:00.005-05:00

As the time to leave gets closer, hanging out with friends is that much more fun...

Fishing with Flohras...

With Kim at Navy Pier...

our beautiful city

Kim with the pirates

the best picture of us!

Hot Dates

2009-08-12T14:07:00.003-05:00

It sounds fun to write that... But here they are- big days you can keep in your prayers:

-Aug. 13 (Tomorrow) ship all my stuff

-Aug. 14 the Rills return with Mei lynn- let's see how rusty my Mandarin is!

-Aug. 18 12:20 pm leave on United for Hong Kong

-Aug. 19 4:45 (China time) arrive in Hong Kong; 7:30 depart for Macau

-Aug. 22 speak for youth group

-Sept 1 begin teaching

-Sept. 13 share at my church

-Sept. 26 my sis arrives (I think...he he)

A Mixed-Up Day in the Right Hands

2009-08-10T16:07:00.004-05:00

Today has been a mixed-up day. I hate to say goodbyes. I still don't believe we were created to say them. Biblically speaking, death is unnatural; therefore there should be no permanent goodbyes. I'm thankful that as far as I know, God still has other chances for me to see the ones I love; therefore, it's not "the end of the world." Still, saying goodbye to my family today was really nothing short of terrible. It doesn't get easier with experience.

Experience tells me that I'll see them again, but the actual moment of departure is not easy. I've done it too many times. I'd like to be done now for a while, please. I'm glad I got to ride back to Chicago with Dad and Grandma- we had good conversation and helping them navigate the city and take the Architecture Foundation boat tour was a nice close- as good as it gets, anyway. In the end, though, it's only trusting that God is directing my life that makes it possible for me to trust in all these life changes.

Mom and Dad- I hope I see you in Asia next time! I can't wait for you to see my life there. You're going to love it- I know it. (Theresa, it was so fun to see you at church and know that you've experienced a taste of it with me. I was so glad you were there!)

In the middle of these roller-coater emotions, I got to take a break while Dad and Gma were on the boat. I went to LaVazza on Washington and had an orange cafe' mio. (I love orange and chocolate together...well, really citrus, period.) I spent an hour and a half in quiet, just working on Experiencing God and enjoying downtown by myself for one of the last times.

On my way to the coffee shop, I passed a lady who looked about my age asking for money. As soon as I sat down to have my quiet time, I knew I had to go back and talk to her. The chapter I've been going through is talking about going out of our comfort zones to adjust to God's plan. I've always been afraid of people on the street/homeless people. I don't know why.

Well, I guess being afraid of males might make some sense, but I don't know if I am just torn about what to do or what- (that's my confession, Lee!) Recently, though, through doing this study, I've been feeling prompted to obey God's direction immediately when I receive it. Today I just saw her and I thought, Phil would go and sit down next to her and talk to her- as a real human being. Then I thought, so would Jesus. So I did.

That one's for you, Phil- thanks for being such a great brother and all you modeled.

Probably, it meant much more to me than to her. I don't think she told me an entirely truthful story, but hopefully the fact that I was really honest with her ( I told her that I never give money; that I was afraid to, but felt God wanted me to...) will make her think a little about her position in life. I shared my money with her ( I know, I know, it doesn't make sense right now, but when does that matter anyway??) and I'm so glad I did. I don't just want to be a talker. I want to overcome my fear and live in bold obedience. It's a sweet place to be- in the right hands of One planning my steps even if it was a mixed-up day.

One week from tomorrow.

Chicago's Good Things

2009-08-04T11:47:00.002-05:00

My friend asked me for a list, so here it is- these among other things I will miss. This is for you.

Breakfast- (my fave. meal!)

The Bongo Room on Milwaukee (the lemon-ricotta pancakes)

Yolk

Ann Sathers (the salmon benedict)- on Belmont, Clark and other locations

Thai

Yes! Thai in Andersonville (Clark?)

Panang on Chicago

Thai Bakery II (on Lawrence by my house...who knew??) and so cheap...$7 for a lunch set. The Rills loved the dumplings

Italian

Basilico on Cumberland by my house- Norridge's other fine dining (fresh bread, soups and those great paintings in the ceiling)

Nona Silva's in Park Ridge

Chinese

(these are all in Chinatown)

Sun Sui Wah- for salty-spicy shrimp and squid and real Cantonese dishes

Mongkok (oh, I forget the English name...Tasty??) for Hong Kong snacks

St. Alps Cafe' for more Hong Kong snacks- chicken skewers, Chinese-style french toast, leung fen, etc...

Joy Yee's- for the bubble tea drinks

Korean

Chun Sun Ok- at Lincoln and Belleau? (But you know about this one)

there's a great place in Arlington Heights (helpful, huh?)

the food court at H-Mart, the Korean Whole Foods (sorta)

Ginseng Chicken Soup - on Lawrence

Cafe'

Kopi Cafe' - on Clark

The Perfect Cup- on Damen (I call this the "magic" coffee shop 'cause Katie and I got so much work done there)

Mexican

Well, nothing is as good as home cooking, but Nueva Leon in Pilsen has great mole'

and I'm still a sucker for Taco Burrito King

Indian

India House downtown (Grand?)- what can I say, I like meat (We went there)

Spanish/Tapas

Cafe' Iberico on La Salle- if only I had known about this place at Moody. Figs and goat cheese. Yum.

People on Belmont is good too, but overpriced.

Middle Eastern

Ha Shalom on Devon - thanks for the intro. Jayne', fresh pita, amazing soup, everything, EVERYTHING is good and I love the cornish hen.

To be continued...

Good Things

2009-08-04T11:37:00.004-05:00

God is good. A few years ago I would have been already sitting in the driveway with my boxes packed and full of nervous energy even though I still have two weeks to go before I leave. Yup, I am an organizer (but still just a modified version of my mom! What can I say? I'd be lost without you, mom!) Thankfully I have grown just a little bit in the last few years. Now I can have friends over for dinner (thanks for the fun, guys!), run the half-marathon and talk at VBS without flipping my lid. I love it- I'm going the opposite of most folks, the older I get the more relaxed I become. Who wants to be friends when I'm 80?? Me, oh, me!

Please Pray:

-my dear, dear friends, the Ngs, who have been told that their 4 month? -along baby is "incompatible with life." They have determined to carry the baby as long as the Lord allows. Please pray for them. Honestly, I want to just fly out there and be with them. Pray for comfort. I'll probably write an email about this soon.

- high-level typhoon winds hitting Macau/Hong Kong today...probably not too serious, but everyone gets to stay home

-for good, longish and affordable housing that I could find quickly in Macau!

Recent Good Things:

- my sister purchased plane tickets to come see me in September- she will become the first family member to set foot in Macau (thus establishing her in my will forever, ha ha)

-I finished the inaugural Rock -n-Roll Half Marathon on Sunday with a PR (not sure of the official time yet, but it was def. at least 10 min faster than my previous best time)

- I got to run the race with friends

-the VBS kids are church are saving their pennies for me to take to Macau

-the Rills have a new daughter!

-I MAY be able to get that motorcyle license after all

-thanks to MR I will save $200 on shipping my things to Macau- yeah for church vans

-free ride home to Michigan tonight so I can spend one last week with my family

-great time with good friends (SD, JK, KT, W, SC2,BR &MR, J&KS) this past week

TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!

'Being Real' - How do I Translate That?

2009-07-30T10:18:00.003-05:00

Today I talked with my friends in Japan (who are also teaching English) for almost an hour on the phone. We talked about the fine line of balancing cultures- the culture that you come from and the culture that you live in.

That led to a discussion about how much we reveal of our private lives and thoughts to those around us, and what it means to be, 'real.'

Americans use this word in a way that doesn't translate well in other world cultures. "You're not being real with me." "When she was sharing, I didn't know if she was being real or not." I guess that this idea of 'real' is more like 'genuine', with a few touches of honesty thrown in there, but what does it really mean?

The word seems to be better translated by emotions that accompany it rather than a simple definition. To us, being real, means sharing your genuine feelings. The stamp of authenticity is often the shedding of tears, bursts of anger or fits of laughter- outbursts that might be signs of weakness in other cultures. Thanks to modern psychology we are now told that a 'real man' is one who can be 'real' and vulnerable, who is 'not afraid' to let others see what he is feeling even though that leaves him 'defenseless'. The goal is to identify with others. People who don't reveal their emotions are often misunderstood and mistrusted- (Can they be like us if they don't FEEL the way we do?) Even JESUS wept.

In Asia, they focus on emotions in ways that we overlook. A word said in anger- no matter how 'real'- could end a friendship, or cost you your job. Tears and laughter could let strangers share your inner world and reveal a lack of self-control. Feelings are shown by what you do- love is shown by committment, by care of physical needs and constancy. Anger may be shown by the lack of words rather than its presence. In Macau, of course I saw people laugh, cry and get angry, but to a much lesser extent than I did here, and usually after I knew them better (unless it was an grandma getting mad 'cause she didn't get her discount buying fruit.) And I love how when you're crying- people try to make you laugh!

I remember what a struggle for me it was to figure out how to deal with those differences in Macau. It all got a lot better when I just gave up and tried to be myself (in self-controlled moderation, of course). And somehow, because I didn't follow all the rules, people opened up with me more too, like they knew I was outside the box (very unusual for me). Like the time that my student 'O' felt it was too dangerous for me to take the bus home (with ten friends) at 10 pm after a late dinner and made all of us walk the mile or so to my house. After living in Chicago and taking the 'L' AND living in Macau for a few years already, I felt pretty safe to travel with ten friends on a bus. So much for my love of chivalry! As we were walking, I felt so tired that I just started shouting- 'IT'S OKAY TO TAKE THE BUS!' at pretty much medium volume. It was somewhat satisfying to see the shocked look on everyone's faces (including strangers on the street) -and also to see how quickly my group got over it and we all remained friends.

Like the time that I just started bawling in English class my first year because I was so worried about what was going to happen to my little brother who had just shipped out to Iraq that day. As I shared with my class about him, and how close in age he was to them, I just couldn't stop the tears. Like some kind of conjurer's trick, a dozen tissues and five pieces of chocolate appeared out of nowhere. Ah- my Chinese friends know just the way to my heart!! For the rest of my time in Macau, that class stayed open with me and would unfailingly ask how my brother was doing.

So, I guess it's a balance- be sensitive to those cultural rules, and sometimes, just to screw them. Maybe the word doesn't have to translate.

Actually, maybe Macau feels safe for me. I don't always like to be 'real' but only because of my great fear of rejection- my gimp emotional trait that keeps me from being brave and makes me seem cold or shy at times. In Macau, I'm not expected to reveal all the time- only when I initiate.

So, what is there to reveal these days? 20 days to go and I'm tired. The weariness of a never-ending 'to-do' list, of so many emotional moments in my life and others, the longing to have a real home again. Funny how I was so afraid to come back to the US again 3 years ago. Looks like things went pretty well, huh? God has been very good to me. One more week with my family in Michigan,speaking at VBS, coffee dates, some odd jobs and packing, ideas for English lessons and speaking at church in September, still trying to get my motorcycle license.... the departure date draws near.

So- I put my things in a handbag (okay, a lot more than that) and take His hand and just go where He wants me to. That's the nice thing about God- you can never NOT be 'real' with Him- He's got inside information and He's not into rejection. I like that feeling. AND it transcends cultures. We all need unconditional love from Someone who knows us in and out.

Work Visa is In

2009-07-08T07:12:00.002-05:00

Thanks to all of you who prayed. My work visa for Macau is ready to be picked up when I arrive.

Macau Creativity

2009-06-30T17:20:00.002-05:00

This blog is from a photographer from my church. It's in Chinese, but if you click on the photos you can still scroll through using the left/right arrows. Tungsang has been published and also taught photography to elementary school kids in Hong Kong.

http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!q4BPoxuGAxvN0TqcxS9e9tPx1Q--/photo?pid=0&prev=1026&fid=2

Space Travel

2009-06-24T11:59:00.002-05:00

My "brother", Hou Manintroducing him to Ha Shalom's incredible Jewish/Moraccan spread on DevonChris and Bryan at the 94th

hangin' with Mike- still an Asian hero

One of my favorite things to do is to be a tour guide - no matter where. I love to really know the places that I live (okay...except for Norridge, sorry, I've tried- kind of. At least I looked for a coffee shop there.)

I love it when people travel across time and space to visit too. I love it when my worlds intersect. All three of these former students came to visit me in Chicago (Well, me and other things, like schools and sites.) It's a good reminder of how small our world really is.

Usually, when I travel between continents, I feel like one door opens and another closes- you just can't compare your worlds. So, you accept them, individually, as they are. But I waited a long time for people from Macau to see me in my US life and vice versa. It helps things to seem more real. Thanks for helping with that guys! It was fun.

I Will Miss Lake Michigan

2009-06-23T19:06:00.006-05:00

Had a great day today at Foster Beach with Sara, Evelyn

and Elliot.

Two Months from Today

2009-06-18T12:24:00.004-05:00

grading cherries at harvest time
Chicago's " Bean"

at a "French" cafe' in Macau with my dear friend Tina

Two months from today I'll be boarding a plane to leave for Macau. Hard to believe? I don't know. Not really.

Sometimes people ask me how I feel about leaving. Sometimes people ask me when I'll be coming home. Now that is a question I'm never sure how to answer. (Apparently, I'm not the only one to feel this way. I even found a book- a book with beautiful pictures...even better. It's called Grandfather's Journey by Allen Say. I would recommend it for all travelers or others with "home" questions. )

I think I have lots of homes. I have my home in Michigan where I was born and my BIG family lives, and where I tried the great expiriment of turning our valley into a wildflower garden (it didn't work), and also worked as a farmer's daughter in the cherry harvest. That's definitely home.

Then there's Chicago, with the old Chinese men yelling down on Wentworth in the morning, at 7, and a basket with strawberries and nutella at Ravinia, and the face fountain in Millenium Park where you can see every kind of kids getting drenched and Bethel church, with my OTHER big family there. I definitely feel like I belong there and I get inspired by the beauty of the city.

And then there's Macau, with the ten camping sites (all in a row; next to the beach) on Coloane island that I intend to "conquer", the world's most amazing chicken curry in a big fluffy bread bowl, the smell of sea salt that floats on the air and mixes with fumes from scooters, and Great Love church, with my OTHER big family there.

Sheesh. How do I choose to answer? When am I coming home? I'm always home- God is with me; my home's in Him.

I guess, for now, I'm just choosing my home (and for good reason!) Macau, 我愛你!

We are Ready for Takeoff

2009-06-15T16:38:00.002-05:00

August 18, 12:20 pm. That is my departure time for Macau! In preparation, I am trying to renew my blogging life, which I pretty much abandoned in 2006. Somehow, since I arrived back in the U.S. I have found that words often fail me. However, I am committed to making a valiant attempt at a comeback. This is my new blog, folks!